Sunday, August 9, 2009

it's the iPhone's fault...

Well here we are another week, another day and another unexpected post. As baby girl is down for the night, Hunter and Mark sitting on the couch debating about the Yankees-Red Sox game. Right now it is the top of the 4th with no runs. I love my Yankees fan (Mark) and Red Sox fan (Hunter), and I very much enjoy sitting over here listening in on them as they talk baseball.

I have to admit, I was off to a rough start tonight as baby girl was just giving me a hard time. She really is either teething, not feeling well or both. She does have a bit of a cough and I think I may take her in tomorrow to have her looked at. It all started last week after we took my guest {Daniella Summers and her family} to the beach Monday and Tuesday. Morgan had such a great time at the beach, but got a little too brave at times (actually A LOT of times!) and ran right into the ocean herself, only to have face flopped right in the water. She swallowed so much of the ocean water between Monday and Tuesday that she had several very dirty diapers the next two days after that. Then along came a little runny nose and a cough. It could be from the beach days, or simply that she is coming down with a cold. It could also be a mix of her immune system being over worked right now from teething not one, not two, but three molars in at once. The tips all have finally made their break through in her gums. Poor baby girl. What ever it is, its keep mommy very exhausted.

I really do feel like such a bad blogger lately. I ask myself "what makes a bad blogger?" To me a bad blogger is a blogger that takes pride in saying they would call themselves a "professional blogger." A professional blogger would say that they blog every day or on a very regular and consistent basis. I used to blog every day and or at least very regularly. Then summer came along and then I found myself busy with two kids at home, travel and everything else in between, blogging sort of just slipped to the back of the line.

In truth, and I recently told my friend Daniella while she and her family where here that I found myself feeling better emotionally not blogging and or reading blogs as often. It has allowed me to focus on my family, my kids, my home and has given me a little bit of an emotional break from all the heartache you read and hear about through the blog world.

Part of me felt that I was giving too much of my energy and time to my blog and for whom and why? Sure I have followers. Sure I have loyal readers. Sure my family and friends peek in often to see any new post to be read. I appreciate that, I really do. However, I do ask myself at the end of the day, are those the people needing so much of my time and attention? Or do I really need that much of their attention given to me and my blog? What was it that made me feel that I need to blog so much to random people that I barely knew? Why did I feel that I needed to "pretend" to be a professional blogger and sacrifice time with my children, my husband, my house chores or even time to do something for me, just so I could post about a happy life here and receive compliments or attention from strangers? Its all really so silly.

Don't get me wrong, you guys are not silly. I am saying, that "I AM" silly. My thinking is silly. My motivation is silly, although I didn't realize how much I was actually thriving off of my social life and attention being received on my blog. UNTIL....... my new iPhone, Twitter and Facebook exposed me over the last few weeks.

Actually, I have to admit a very SAD but honest truth here. I had not seen anything, no previews, no commercials or reviews of any kind regarding the movie "Funny People." All I know is that Mark wanted to see it. Daniella and I thought we would surprise our husbands out for a double-date to a nice dinner and a guy movie of their choice. We went and the movie was AWFUL. It was so bad that Daniella and I even walked out of it and got our money back. I was disappointed that the husbands stayed in as long as they did, instead of taking their wives hands and walking us out themselves, it was that tacky and crude. But that's another post...

However, before we walked out of the movie, there was a scene where Adam Sandler is doing stand up comedy for a crowd and they are ripping away on myspace folks. At one point he said as part of his act in a mocking funny voice tone "I am so cool, I have over 1000 friends of myspace" and then continued by saying "oh yea, you have that many friends of mysace, how many do you really have in person? It's Friday night, how many are you hanging out with? Oh, thats right your not, instead you are sitting on your computer talking to your 1000 friends on myspace."

I thought the comedy act and what he was saying was pretty funny and right on for so many. Its no different in a lot of the blogging, tweeting and facebook world either. We all keep up with how many followers we have. So many of the blogs out there even do giveaways, and instead of just doing a giveaway, they make this 'to-do-list' and one of the things on the to-do-list is to FOLLOW THEM, then post about THEM, then tell others to FOLLOW THEM. WHY? Because they need the attention or the popularity vote I guess. I don't get it really.

Why do we (and I say we, because I have been guilty of keeping tabs with my followers count to the left of my blog), but I have never done a giveaway to seek more followers or gone blog hopping asking others to follow me. That is almost like the little girl in 4th grade that goes around and just ask everyone she can to be her friend. Feeling the need to have the approval of any person or other blogger out there.

Am I hitting on any soft buttons right now? It is NOT my intention at all, I promise. It really is all just coming out as I type. In fact, I don't really even know where this blog post is heading, other than just a bunch of jumbled misspelled words and rambling. But that is okay, because tonight I am blogging because I caught a moment and felt like it. I am not blogging about any random cool story to entertain my "followers" or update my family of the kiddos, although I am pretty behind at doing both. I am simply blogging, just to blog. Mark just came into the kitchen to get a snack and asked what I was doing. I answered "blogging!" He said "about what?" I said "about blogging." He said "blogging about blogging?" I said "yeap, just blogging about blogging." He thought that was funny and we both started laughing.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to quit blogging. I enjoy blogging. I am just not going to feel the "urge" or the "need" or the "responsibility" and or the "guilt" of blogging. I am NOT a bad blogger, I am just not a 'professional blogger' at all. In fact, if I were a professional blogger wouldn't the blog administrators have contacted me by now to post some ads in my sidebars or something? That seems to be the biggest sign that you have gone pro when someone wants to place ads on your sidebars. I don't have those, so I am not a pro. I am not going to be a wanna-be any more and then find myself still very lonely, or unpopular or exhausted either. Lonely, because I am only talking to myself when I spend so much time blogging or reading other blogs, when in truth I need to make more effort and get out and make real face-to-face friends in my life. Unpopular, because I do get hundreds of hits when I do regular post, but maybe about seven loyal commenter's, and well this isn't high school I don't need to be blog popular. Exhausted? Yes, exhausted. I have found myself so many times mentally and emotionally exhausted from blogging, commenting on other blogs, trying to keep up with total strangers blogs, that don't even know me, care to know me, or even care to come read my own blog. I have learned that a lot of bloggers are selfish bloggers. Its all about them and their lives. That's okay too. Its not a bad thing. I just don't want to be exhausted anymore, have my days and hours go by while my toddler is off playing by herself, when I could be and rather be playing with her, and or trying to post a blog in the late evening after everyone has gone to bed, just to get a post in, then to find myself up way late, tired and more exhausted when I wake up the next morning. So tired that I don't get out of my PJ's that day, and I am cranky, annoyed at my dirty house and then I find myself thinking and feeling depressed about all the sad stuff I keep reading about. A roller-coaster that should be and can be avoided.

My husband then wonders why I am in tears, or feeling depressed and unhappy. Its no ones fault, but MY OWN. Sure I titled my post "it's the iPhones fault".... that was starting out as a joke. I was going to blame the iPhone for my bad blogging behavior, but then my mind and fingers took over with out my permission and started typing out the "THE UGLY TRUTH" about my personal blogging thoughts and behavior. Speaking of "The Ugly Truth," other movie for a THUMBS DOWN. It was a bit funny, a bit cute, but a lot of tacky and profanity also. Just a lot of unnecessary script in there. Anyways, not spending time on that here either tonight.

Back to the iPhone. The iPhone has substituted a lot of my own personal entertainment and attention I feel I for whatever want, need or seek that was originally coming from blogging. Plus, I like being a bit nosey in others more exciting and entertaining lives. It almost appears as though as everyone "tweets" or updates their "facebook status" competing with the next person on who is doing the most exciting stuff. I say that with humor, I am not really taking a personal punch at either sites. I am on there all the day and daily myself. In fact, I joke with my friends "I can't quit Twitter. Twitter had me at first tweet." Its pretty ridiculous actually. We have our new phones, including my brand new 3GS iPhone 16 gig that I just WON. Yes, I already had an iPhone. My husbands phone died yesterday, he got my other iPhone, while I am enjoying my NEW iPhone with the video camera. It's an awesome phone and I can't wait to post some pictures of my kids on my blog now for family to see more often.

Imagine this? I had to "tweet" about them, and spread the word about them to up my chances to win. But they are a company seeking business, and so I get that, that's the difference. I didn't mind spreading the word about them, tweeting about them and even FOLLOWING them on Twitter. In fact, I have already won my phone, and no longer need to tweet about them, but I do. Know why? Because I like their company, I think its great and people should check it out and I feel really thankful for my NEW iPhone. But this tweeting thing? This tweeting thing is such a joke, but yet I still fall into the trap. I still check it often during the day. I still see if anyone "direct messaged me or mentioned me." I still glance to see the number of followers I have. I even decorated my twitter home page. Does anyone other than me even see my home page on Twitter? I mean really? Who are we kidding? I instead want to make more time in my day for the "real" humans in my every day life, including my two kitty's who think they are human. Instead of blogging or tweeting, I need to get out and give them (cats) a daily brush out. Something they love, could use because they are getting up in age and aren't as able to do it themselves.

The world of electronics are seriously taking place of our true friends and companions. We become so reliable on them, only to find ourselves at the end of the day still feeling lonely, lost and empty. Only to get up and think that if we blog more, tweet more, comment more and get more followers, then we will feel more popular or less lonely. Sorry to disappoint you folks, it still feels the same. If you don't get out and smell the fresh air, get out and have some physical connection with your family or your friends, or even make new friends.... you may have 1000 followers on twitter, facebook, myspace and blog sites. At the end of the day, how many people do you have standing around you, ready to hug, kiss, greet, socialize, talk, listen, support and live with you?

It's not the iPhone, Twitter, Facebook or Blogs fault. Its my fault. Its almost like a drug, and easy to get addicted to.

*As the Yankee fan gets all excited over A. Rods home run at the bottom of the 7th.

The addiction of feeling liked, wanted, interesting, popular, busy........ sounding and appearing in our tweets and blogs like anything other than what we really probably are....alone, lonely, bored and going stir crazy from it, or all becoming a bit ADD in our fast paced, always need a thrill, need to be doing something kind of society. Instead of reading books, people read blogs. Instead of talking on the phone, people read Tweeter updates of friends, strangers and celebrities (or people pretending to be celebrities).

So, I have decided that I will blog when I feel like blogging. I will update about my kids often so I can truly keep my family in other states updated on the kids. I will be cleaning out my "following" list and not follow so many other blogs, or leave comments on strangers blogs, to never know if my comments even get read, are appreciated or if they even know me in return, care to know who I am or read my blog or about my own family. I am giving too much of my own time to too many people I don't know and that could probably care less about me. You know what I mean folks? Do you feel the same sometimes, but afraid or even ashamed to admit it. Not me! I just feel real silly! A high school girl blushing for admitting the truth, but no shame in it. Just need to change it and fix it, thats all.

As for as His Will Wednesday. I would really love to keep that going though, but at the same time I don't like the feeling of guilt or let down when I find myself busy with the real physical beings in my life and I forget to post a HWW, as I did the last two weeks. However, I will try to post date those so that I don't forget them, and we all still have a place if it be one person or 100 people needing prayer, that one or that 100 prayer request is prayed for. I will personally pray for any prayer request left on those days. If I do forget to post a HWW, please leave a comment on the last post I posted anyways, and I will get it and I will pray. I promise you that much. That I do take very seriously.

So anyways, I have rambled about nothing really for four innings here now. It is now the top of the 8th, Yankees leading by one. Hunter just fell asleep on the floor snuggled up to Milo, and Ill post that picture here soon on Twitter. That stuff is fun to share. I know my REAL friends and family (and some of my followers) will actually enjoy that picture.

I think I am going to shut it down, go take a HOT shower and go to bed. Tomorrow my boy goes to a "fun" camp (and a new camp). I will play catch up day on getting bills paid, house cleaned and laundry finished. I think I am going to take Hunter to the water park next Saturday and then let him actually have a lemon-aide stand. He has been wanting to do that and I keep putting it off. Its time that I not and just let him have his fun.

Sorry if I stepped on any ones toes. Not what I am trying to do here at all. I am, if anything, mocking my own self and really sort of just letting out my thoughts and feelings on why I feel so guilty about not blogging, when I shouldn't feel guilty at all. I am getting my priorities in order and putting the people that really do care about me, that really no matter what I am doing find me exciting, cool and fun. That no matter how I am dressed or what I am wearing think I am pretty. That when I comment to them, the actually comment back with something. That actually can go have lunch with me. That can actually give me hugs and kisses. That can let me vent and give my positive advice in return. And yes, some of you do some of this even via blog, twitter and facebook and probably would do it all if you lived near me. Trust me I know. This isn't towards any of you. Please know that. My tone in this post tonight is light, humorous and scattered. LOL the Red Sox are up 2 to 1. My back hurts and you see.... I can ask my husband to rub it for me, I can't ask that of you. HA! So I am not going to pretend to be a professional blogger anymore. I am not going to feel like I need to keep up and post often. I am not going to keep tabs of who I leave comments for or how many followers I do have. I will just be me, and blog when I feel like blogging and whatever I may feel like blogging about, even if it makes no sense at all like this one here. Ill continue to tweet, and check in on my friends on facebook, but I will not blame it on the iPhone, computer, Twitter, Facebook, Blog or Computer for my lack of anything getting done, loneliness, boredom and exhaustion for the way I feel at the end of my days. Those are all things called electronics and they have "off" buttons. My husband, my kids, my family and my friends do not. I want to start hearing real voices again.... so I am going to start making effort in my own world and come out from my "oh so busy social life on the internet" and enjoy my less busy social life with my few but very cool, real and loving friends I do have here around me in my life.

I enjoy you blog friends of mine. Don't worry, I am not going anywhere. Ill be reading and keeping up still. Just not every day as I have been trying to. So don't think I have moved on and beyond all of you.

*Husband just jumped up and yelled "YEA!!! DAMON!!!" as Damon hit a home run! Tied game!

I think I'll close and go enjoy the last inning with him as the game heats up and gets exciting. Well, too late, as my boy Teixeira just hit another home run right after Damon. WOW!! Well I actually couldn't see it, as Mark was standing up in front of the TV watching the ball very closely to make sure it made it inside the foul bar. LOL

Until my next blog folks..... take a little advice from me tonight and stop trying to entertain us out here that read YOUR blogs. Go enjoy the real people in your life. Read a book! Read the bible! Spend time in prayer! Go on a walk and enjoy nature with your kids. Play board games. And then and only then will you feel like the head cheerleader or the captain of the football team. Then and only then will you not feel bored or lonely. Get out and take charge and get back involved in the lives of those around you, and not so much in the lives you read about on the internet. That's what I am trying to do.

Good Night.

As the Yankees wake up the stadium with back to back home runs and lead the Red Sox 5 to 2!

Laughing as I just read over my post, and realized I was typing so fast and so lazy that I spelt about every other word incorrect and half of what I said makes little to no sense at all, but guess what? I don't care! I am not even going to go back and correct my errors. Not tonight, anyways!!!

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