Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"mom, do you do weird things in the shower?"

I figured I give a little update on my kiddos, after all this is what I started blogging about in the first place.  This post will be my Boo's post.

Since having him back with me, after him being up in Cape Cod with his dad for 19-days at the beginning of summer.  I have so enjoyed his company.  He really is wise beyond his years, an old soul and I love him so much.  

My first love.

Sometimes I find myself so quickly to put Hunter off because I am busy with something in the house, baby needs my attention or I am just physically and mentally spent.  Hunter has never complained.  He has been so patient with his sister, and with me, and probably way more than a boy his age should have to.  When I say "put off" I mean simply by telling him to "hang on" or "not right now" kind of put off. I am not saying that he goes with out being noticed or loved.  

Now that I cleared that up.

Hunter has such a sweet and tender spot for babies and animals.  He is just one unique and special young boy.

He is already a hopeless romantic kind of guy.  Meeting girls every where he goes and almost always finds one that he crushes on and talks about until your ears want to bleed.  I am thankful though that he does openly talk to me about girls right now. There may come a day (although I hope not) he will not want to talk to me about this stuff. I want to do my best so that he will always feel safe to talk to me about anything.  Knowing that I will not judge him or make him feel uncomfortable in anyway.  

The week before last he attended a camp. This was considered a "fun, go be a boy" kind of camp.  He does so much with sports throughout the year and summer that I decided this year he needed to equally have time to let loose and be a kid and just go to a fun camp. A camp that allowed him to explore, be outdoors and not have so much expected out of him.  

He loved it so much that he has begged me to let him attend again next year. Or maybe a little girl named Autumn had something to do with that? 

Anyway, at the end of the week they handed out awards. Can anyone guess what award Hunter may have received?  

"BEST AT SPORTS" award.  Yeap!  But at least he was having fun and doing what comes natural to him, without having coaches or his dad on his back.  Put the "fun" back into sports and you get a kid that is just naturally very talented and athletic.  

He (as he should be) was very proud of this award.  Part of me wonders if he was so proud because often it seems as though he and his dad are always butting heads over sports related stuff, that Hunter never feels as though he is 'good enough' at times for his dads liking.  His dad is also the coach of the hockey travel team that Hunter is on.  I think winning this award gave him some reassurance that he is that good, and something that could make his dad proud of him.  Regardless, I am proud of him and for him with this award.

If you recall, I mentioned a couple of months ago about Hunter talking about salvation and wanting to be saved.  I never updated on that because as time went by, I let it be, seeing if Hunter brought it up again on his own, to make sure he really meant all that he was saying to me. I wanted this to be between him and God. Not something that seemed like it was being force fed down him to do.  So I haven't mentioned it to him since that last time. 

On our flight to Texas last Monday, Hunter out of no where says to me "mom, do you ever do weird things in the shower or think of stuff while in the shower?" "Ummm, where you going with this son?" 

Hunter, "I asked Jesus into my heart and to be my savior while I was in the shower. I want to be baptized, but only baptized in front of the people that work at the church and friends and family that we know." 

"WOW Hunter, that is wonderful news.  I am so excited." As I secretly want to cry and just give thanks to God for an answered prayer.

I always feared that Hunter would become confuse about his faith because of his dads view on things.  I always feared that Hunter wasn't getting enough church time or bible time traveling so much with hockey or at his dads every other weekend.  I feared I wouldn't be a good enough example or role model for him as a Christian person.  

Some how, some way, my son has really grown into his own understanding of faith and has taken upon himself as a young boy, and said a prayer in the shower on his own, asking God to be in charge of his life.  

(Now I am crying!)

I still remember the day I said that prayer, and I was only a year older than Hunter.  I remember that prayer, where I was and the weather that day.  He will remember this prayer and the place (a shower) all his life as well.  At least I hope he does.  

He was so proud that he couldn't wait to call our pastor (whom is like an uncle to Hunter anyways) and tell him the news.  He couldn't wait to tell my parents when they picked us up at the airport.  And often throughout the week last week, he would say things to me like "its okay if we die today mom, because I know where we are going." or "I hope Michael Jackson took that step and Ill meet him in heaven one day." 

See what I mean?  He is wise beyond his years.

I find myself learning so much by being his mother.  

He has this way about him.  He knows how to comfort me when I am feeling down and knows when to push my buttons or give a good debate when he wants something.  

The other day while sitting at the airport, across the way was a book store and there was a book titled "God is not great." It started up a conversation between myself, Mark and Hunter.  Each of us giving our thoughts on why a book like that was written.  While at one point I kept trying to speak, but Mark kept talking and talking over me.  Sorry honey, I am ratting you out here.  HA! I got a bit frustrated and said "forget it" on whatever it was I was trying to say.  

Hunter noticed that I got a bit annoyed and asked me to tell him what I wanted to say.  At that point I didn't feel like saying it.  I was being a kid, pouting and sulking.  Hunter was being the adult, and he says to me "please say what you were going to say, its going to be a part of my life and my future, so I need to know what you feel and have to say on this." Talking about this "God is not Great" book.  

He quickly got me to smile and over my annoyance, and had me back into the conversation.  One that was important to him, and mattered to him, probably more than I will ever know.  Next time I will just need to eat more, so I can be a little more patient with being talked over.  HA! 

Isn't that awesome though? 

I ended up having some great conversations with Hunter about salvation, and its almost like the day I heard the words "discharged" for Morgan's cardiologist checkup back in April.  Hearing my son tell his prayer, in the shower, on his own, melts my heart.  His words keep repeating in my head, and I keep smiling with joy that I must be doing a little bit of something right.  I get that flutter in my stomach just thinking about it.  

This week Hunter is back to attending hockey camp, and wants to be baptized this weekend, so I hope we can make that happen for him.  Then he is off to Cape Cod for another 19 days with his dad this Monday.  

Did I tell you that I love him so much already?  Just in case you didn't read that or you didn't really HEAR me, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, and apparently his sister does too. 

Blankets for Hope

Hello peeps.

I know its been awhile.  Probably the longest "awhile" I have had from posting or reading blogs.  I have to admit that it felt pretty good.  In truth, I think I have a bit of blogging addiction.  I think about it all the time.  I am constantly coming up with topics to write about.  Don't take it the wrong way, I am not constantly trying to think of topics, my mind is just constantly thinking of topics without any help.  I love to write and I wish I were a more talented writer. I wish I had a better understanding of proper grammar and writing rules.  I wish I could captivate people with my words and say I have a talent for it, but in truth I am just average.  

But I do enjoy it. 

Regardless, I felt that I was putting a lot of my personal time into 'keeping up' with blogging.  Not that my post took that much time, it was the time it took to constantly edit photos, read other blogs, comment on other blogs and before I knew it, my day had passed by.  Then I found myself frustrated because nothing got done around the house and I like things to be clean and orderly.  Its one of those things I have always been obsessed with.  Its either from my upbringing, living in a small house, with a small room, that the only way I felt I had any sense of space and organization in my life, was to keep things tidy, in its place and CLEAN.  Or I have control issues, OCD or something I am unaware of.  HA!  

If my home starts to get unraveled and messy, its starts to takes its toll on me.  I have tried to train myself to back off a bit and I have gotten better, but not over it.  I still have to have things a certain way.  I guess its better than being a slob right? 

However, it was not always easy to stay away or not be tempted to jump on and start blogging.  Traveling to Texas, being around family, friends and staying busy helped a great deal.  When I am home, this is my place of escape.  My entertainment, aside from my kids and my adult interaction.  If I don't blog, I can tend to annoy my husband at work with my non-stop texting, just looking for a little bit of attention, or adult conversation, anything really to keep me from feeling so depressed, lonely and imprisoned to my home as a stay-at-home mom.  

I love being home with my kids.  I love dedicating and giving up things in my life to be home with my kids.  I am blessed I have that choice.  BUT, there are many moments and days that seem to just never end with crying, fits, spills, dirty diapers, laundry, cat hair, dust, dirt, messy beds, dishes, making food, feeding kids, washing dishes, changing diapers and doing it all over again about three to five times a day.  Those days can really, really suck life right out of you at times.  That's been me lately, and I found myself waking up and crying for no reason at all.  I started to watch myself become more and more sad and depressed feeling.  Then to read so many other sad stories on the blogs, I would feel humbled and thankful for my own blessings, but then some how feel even more depressed and sad about others dealing with such horrible things in their lives, like the loss of a child.  

I realized quickly that I needed to take a break and get my head clear, and do so quickly.  I am sure many of you can relate, and I feel safe enough here to come clean and be honest here and say the truth of what is going on in my personal world.  Right now I need a little action in my life outside of this home.  Being home in Texas around people every day to talk and hang with was so refreshing.  Waking up back here in Florida Monday morning was a quick dose of reality that I wasn't in Kansas Texas anymore. 

My trip to Texas was a much needed little vacation.  

Although, I am quickly learning that my vacations I plan in my head (travel with kids) never seem to be as I imagined them to be.  Its almost like parents need a vacation, after the family vacation.  Its a lot of work to travel with kids.  Ill get more into that in another post.  I just wanted to let you know that I am okay.  I have gotten a few emails asking me if all was okay or that my post were being missed.  I have to admit, I got way more emails checking in on me than I would have ever imagined.  I know my blog gets anywhere from 200 plus hits a day, with 174 followers, with only about 10 of you that loyally leave me comments, but when I go MIA for a little bit and I have some come hunting me down...that's feels kind of good.  Maybe I will have a 'get to know YOU' post one day, giving all of you a chance to introduce yourselves to me, so I can get to know a little about you and what you enjoy about my blog?  Maybe I will find something creative to motivate you all to come out of your own hiding and say hello to me.  I know you are reading, but you never say hello. 

You see how it just happens naturally?  I tell you, my mind is always thinking of post to write.  You should see the list that is growing and the none stop pictures I have piling up on me, taking up all my space on my computer. Because, I just know I will want to post them one day, so I don't delete them.  Sigh.   I have a list on my 'notes' app on my iPhone of all the post I plan on writing.  Before I never did that. I just posted as they came to me.  Now I make a list and find that my list is growing faster than I can post.  What gives?  

Okay, N-E-WAYS...(going old school on you).

I am okay.  

Thank you for checking in on me and letting me know that my company even via blogspot.com, is enjoyed and has been missed by you.  That makes a girl feel a little less lonely (a little).  

So, what is up with the title "Blankets For Hope?" 

I am glad you asked.

A blog reader of mine was moved by me volunteering my time at the hospital photographing terminally ill children.  She and her mother make handmade and homemade blankets to give to children in need of hope.  They call them "Blankets For Hope".  

She contacted me and said she would like to send me some to give to some babies at the hospital.  I was so wonderfully surprised that it gave me chills to know that someone was willing to devote their own personal time to make something by hand, to send to me, so that I could give to a child that was sick, and possibly dying.  She wanted to remain anonymous, but I didn't want it to go unmentioned on my blog about these beautiful blankets that arrived at my door yesterday.  

Tomorrow, I will be going down to the hospital just to catch up, say hi to some special people and see if there are any new faces to meet.  While Amanda passed away while I was in Texas last week, my heart has been heavy.  Today, opening this box of blankets and knowing I will be at the hospital tomorrow, cheered me up and put a smile on my face.  I can't wait to give them out.  

Take a look at these beautiful blankets.

I want to thank you "B" and your mom, for your generous gift to me, and these children.  This is a very special and beautiful thing you are doing to spread love, kindness and HOPE around the world.  

Thank you.

The card that comes with the blanket says:

Blankets For Hope
with this blanket,
we pray
peace, strength
over you and your precious child.
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