Sunday, January 31, 2010

its been tough.

I haven't abandoned the blogging world. In fact I think I enjoy writing so much I don't think I would ever abandon my "soap box". However, I have had many plates to balance over the last few weeks. I take that back, I have been balancing plates for a pretty long while now. I think over the last few months some where along the way I dropped a plate or two and it caused some major chaotic messes in my life.

I'm struggling with things, in all honesty. Without more detail than that.... I ask for you to pray for me and my family.

I will leave it at that.

Today after church my little girl threw the biggest fit I have seen of her yet. She is in a screaming phase. A VERY loud screaming phase and a "mine" phase. Everything is hers.

Today she wanted to ride in a friends car with the other kids as were were all headed to lunch together. She couldn't as she didn't have an extra car seat. I had to use every ounce in me that I could to get Morgan into her car seat. It took me probably a good two minutes or so to wrestle with her to get into the car seat. At first I was laughing and couldn't believe my very eyes. With in a moments time I stopped laughing and realized this isn't that funny anymore. I went from laughing, to annoyed to trying to take a deep breath to crying myself really fast. I gathered my composure and just continued to do what needed to be done in that very moment. Getting Morgan to calm down and in the car seat.

Finally, I got the snaps between her legs buckled and I begin to drive. She is jerking her body around, scream and crying as loud at her little voice and lungs would let her. I tried to void out her scream with some music, but the pierce of her scream just hit such nerves in my ears I couldn't help but cringe.

At the light I decided I would grab a little mini clip and video record her screaming the way she was. Is all of this really over wanting to ride in the other car my sweet girl?

I get to the place we were meeting at and I walk in, she begins to throw a fit again about her shoes bothering her. This girl and her shoes. I am telling you, I am in so much trouble and she isn't even two yet. I take the shoes off, she screams. I put the shoes on, she screams. Like many things in life, I can't win. As she begins to cry and scream inside the restaurant, I just looked at my friend standing in line waving at me, shook my head in a no motion and said I have to got home.

And I left.

My son stayed with her as he wanted to have a playdate with her son. He felt bad for mommy and decided he wanted to bring me a burrito for lunch anyway. So by the time I get home, Morgan screamed herself to sleep. I sat in my chair eating a cold sandwich in the quietness of my home and my little boy dropped of my burrito, that will now be tonight's dinner.

I love my children and my friends. I am blessed.

But these past two months of my life ..... its be tough.

Yet, this little girl of mine, no matter how many fits she throws or the tears she makes me shed. She also makes my life full, content and happy. I just smile looking at this little face of hers.

I love you baby girl.

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