Monday, September 20, 2010

Letters to God

This weekend we rented the movie "Letters to God." Its based on a true story about a boy with cancer that writes letters to God, but some how they end up in the hands of those all around him, touching everyone in some way that come in contact with one of his letters.  It became his legacy and now so many write their own letters to God.

I actually liked the idea too.  Sometimes I feel like I am in constant random conversation with God.  A little here and a little there.  A pray here and a prayer there.  Sometimes I feel so unworthy of even being allowed to talk with or pray to God, because I feel so unstable in my concentration.  I feel like I can't stay focused for more than a few seconds before my mind starts wondering off onto to something else.  Often times I fall asleep in my bedtime prayers, and often times I wake up in the middle of the night to check on kids, use the restroom and find myself half asleep but still talking with God, or simply just telling him that I love Him.

I have wanted to write on here so many times and then I don't.  Its kind of weird how on random nights, even like this one tonight,  I will all of the sudden feel the deep desire to write.  Sometimes I think its God wanting to me write.  After all who am I do believe that my blogs are all about me, all about my family?  In fact, I am learning that a lot of the times, my blog post can often be all about YOU or YOU and even YOU, you quiet ones that never comment.  I often sit back and wonder about those that read my blog.  Why do they read my blog? Do I really inspire people?  Do people really enjoy reading? I don't know, and in truth maybe I don't even need to know.  Maybe I just need to allow God to speak through me, in my words on here and let this be about HIM. About HIS glory.  His grace.  His unending love.

Sure sometimes it will be about my kids.  My emotions.  My life.  My ups or downs.  After all it is my blog.  That's just the fun extra stuff.  Stuff that I get to look over and back on and just smile and be that more thankful for the ever so many blessings that have circle my life through the years.

Tonight, I want to write my first letter to God.  I have no idea what will come out in my letter for this isn't planned.  All I know is that I felt the desire to write to God tonight and I thought I would start writing my own letters to God here on my blog from time to time when I want, and will share them with all of you at the same time.  So here it goes.

Dear God,

Tonight while laying in bed I was thinking of so many things.  Then I suddenly was reminded that I wanted to write a letter to you.  Part of me wonders why, but the other part is a way of me putting down in writing like a journal of my walk with you here on earth. Part of me thinks that it will be my way of really staying focused on what I want to say to you without falling asleep, getting distracted or not being 100% available to you when I am praying or talking with you.  I am really bad about taking out those few minutes a day to have quiet time with you.  I am sorry for that and hope to not always be like this.

As you know, I have been pretty disappointed in myself lately with how little I serve for you.  I asked myself tonight how does one find the balance?  How does a young family like us, with no family or help here in Florida make it all happen?  Giving time to our kids at the end of each day, our work, our friends, our marriage, our church and schedules.  How do we find time and balance to also give time to ourselves and in ministry some place.  Are we were we are to be, or are we disappointing you by not serving?

Actually, I can't recall the last time I have had the chance to talk about You to a total stranger.  I can't recall the last time I have had the chance to share my story(s) with someone else. I miss that.  Hmmm... maybe another reason you blessed me with the love for writing and my blog?  But still is that enough?  Lord, I want to make you proud.  Just like I am always in such a panic to find myself a career that I can be great at and love.  I want to feel needed.  I want to find my place in this world. I want to feel appreciated, and admired and like I have something to offer.  Part of that struggle I have with just being content.  Slowing down and enjoying exactly where I am now and today, a young mom, with young children and just focus on my family.  Instead, I feel I need to promote myself, grab all the jobs and work I can get modeling/tv, because if I don't this world and that career will soon keep going and leave me behind.  Part of me fears of what I will be once it does leave me behind.  Will I feel like a failure? Will I all of the sudden feel unimportant or admired by others? I want to feel successful.  So why am I struggling so hard to find what your plan for me is? I often say I am a "jack of all trades, but a master of none." I feel like you have blessed me to be so rounded and able to do so many things, and you have and I am.  However, I can't seem to just stick to one, commit to one and really do something with it.  I almost feel afraid to.  Afraid to be a failure at it.  Afraid it won't be the right one and I eventually won't feel fulfilled or passionate about it.  So many things.  I often just keep saying "pray about it, pray about it." So this is part of my prayer.  I want to serve you.  I want you to use the talents and gifts you have wired in my since before I was born and I want to find my place in your plan.   I ask that you please slow me down.  Allow me to be okay where I am today, and not in such a rush. Let me enjoy my kids while they are young, instead of being so selfish and wanting to find something about myself or for myself.   Show me how to make changes so I don't feel so lonely all the time, or in need of attention.  Show me how to find that balance in serving my family, and others for You.

Thank you for this weekend, it was nice and relaxing.  Thank you for that little girl that's sleeping so soundly in her bed right now. I loved bringing her in bed with me last night to snuggle, even though I did kick her back out at 3 AM to her own bed,  just so I could get some solid sleep. Lord, she is something else.  The apple of my eye.  She brings me so much joy I could cry thinking about it now.  Grow me into the women SHE NEEDS IN HER LIFE. Let me not fail her as her mother.  Let me enjoy her today in the moment.  Guide me and wrap your arms around us both, so that our bond could never be broken or weakened, but could only grow stronger. 

I missed not seeing my little boys hockey games this weekend. Another balance I find really hard sometimes.  I have though realized it does seem to be getting easier as he gets older.  I know he is in good hands when he is with his dad.  I am glad how balance he seems to be despite his family is in two big pieces.  He so smart.  I see him growing up right before my very eyes.  He loves to talk.  So I need to ask you Lord to please slow my mind down again, so I can give him focus when he wants my attention too.  I don't want to be physically here and mentally some place else, because then Ill miss the good stuff, even some of the important things.  Let me show more interest in his "boy" things.  Let me enjoy his questions and wonder.  He is such a good boy, and is my first love. Sometimes when I go in and kiss him while he sleeps, I imagine that little boy that I miss so much laying there.  I remember when it was just the two of us.  And although I am oh so thankful for where this family is today, I miss those alone moments with him when it was the just the two of us.  Please help me to find that balance there too. Make time for just us two.  I miss that little boy and moments like when I allowed him to ride in the front seat just to drive in circles around the parking lot. He would look up at me with those blue eyes, big smile and hold my hand as the happiest little boy on the planet in that moment.  Gosh, he is already talking about colleges and careers.  Its pretty scary and yet exciting at the same time.  Please subside my fears of the possibility that I may not be around for those moments in my children's life.  I know its not healthy to worry about tomorrow, when today holds so much of its own right now.  Please help me to just hold on to YOU for everything.  No matter what Your plan is for any of us, you have us all in your hands.

Thank you for my husband.  Sometimes I'm afraid to be thankful because we have been through so much.  Afraid that the moment I give praise or thanks, something goes wrong. The devil attacks.  We have been through a lot of hurt with each other.  Most don't even know that we've been separated (again) for the last several months, except these last two months, until now. Lord, I am thankful that he is still here in my life.  That my family is still together. I love that we continue to fight FOR this marriage, even when it is so so hard.  Thank you for putting that spirit in him to not walk away, as you have me.  I ask that you please continue to work in us, and our marriage.  I ask that you continue to protect and guard this marriage, that will ultimately guard and protect this family.  This unit.  This team.  I ask that you allow us to be different.  Use us as an example to show the world that family and marriage, is still, in this world and in our today, A GREAT THING!!!   I see so much sadness around me.  So many hurting hearts and broken families.  I beg you to please not give up on us, and use us to be the image of what you intended family to be.

Tomorrow brings a new day.  I look forward to what I can do to make you smile.  I know I will let you know down a lot.  So I ask for you to please renew my heart and spirit each day, or in each moment.  Let me look different to others, so they will wonder, and then maybe I can share with them my stories of how you have changed my life around (a few times), and continue to love me and design me for your purpose.

Last but not least, I want to pray for those reading this blog post slash letter.  I pray that whatever they are going through that they bring it to you.  I also pray for my mom and family.  I know how painful the loss of my grandmother has been on my mom.  I am so proud of my mom.  Thank you for her.  She is such a beautiful women with so much strength.  Not only is she my mother, she is my friend, my sister and one of my many soul-mates that am honored to know and have in my life.

One last thing, I also want to pray for my kitty Shilo.  Please help me to better know what I can or need to do for him.  Please let me know if he is hurting too much.  The thought of losing him is almost too much, so am going to need you to provide me the strength that he will need from me. 

I pray for all the children in the world sick, hurting, lonely, homeless, parent-less, scared, hungry, cold, neglected, abused, unloved, unwanted and simply sad and confused, because they don't deserve any of it. If I can be of any help in this world for your children Lord, please please use me.  You know that is where my heart is. I look forward to my meeting at Joe DiMaggio's children's hospital this week, and what possibilities may come from this meeting. 

Goodnight and I love you.


Friday, September 10, 2010

Settle for a Slow Down

Its official.  School is back in session full swing.  Although, I must say it has been a much easier transition than I had imagined. The whole getting up so early, making breakfast and lunches sounded (and still does) so painful.  I think we have done a pretty smooth job around here as a family making it happen.  We haven't been late to school once.  We have not forgotten anything left at home.  I haven't (yet) gotten lazy and said "oh just buy your lunch today." So that's a good start if you ask me.

We have though kept things really busy.  Hunter has lost a tooth each week of school to this point (two weeks = two teeth). And only my child that hates to brush his teeth would come up with this as a positive for losing his teeth...

"Mom, the best part about losing a tooth is that I don't have to brush in that spot anymore."  Go figure.

Tonight, I uploaded calendars into my iCal, in which then will automatically sync with my iPhone. Thanks to MobileME.   Its multiple calendars.  We have a calendar for school holidays.  A calendar for weekend rotations with his dad.  A calendar for his hockey practices, games and tournaments.  A calendar for what is for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  A calendar for what chores need to be done on which days... so on and so on.

Its good to be organized.  In fact, I NEED IT and like it. I can't live life without having 'my list'. I have done list for the last 15 years or so of my life.  It keeps me together and sane.

What I have noticed over the last several weeks, which means summer included, is this.  I am going too fast.  I am putting things on my 'to do list' and I am doing too much, too fast.  I feel like I can't and will never get caught up, so I then try to cram more and more in each day.  As to which the moment I clear off two things on my to-do-list, I add five more new things. You know how that goes.

I look and I ask myself, "why do I do this to myself?" It can't really be healthy.  Am I doing it to stay busy so I don't go off the deep end of loneliness, being home all the time with my baby girl and feeling like I am stuck the 'ground hog day' movie every single day of my life?

I have found that although I am busy, I am then also less here.  HERE, as in here with my love ones.  HERE with my kids. HERE with my husband.  HERE with myself.  I feel like my mind is in a constant state of what else needs to get done.

I find myself struggling to stop and take a moment to myself.  Its like I almost feel pressured or guilty if I allow myself a moment of down time or quiet alone time. I can't sit down or slow down, I have to get a,b and c done before this time. And if I get those done, then I can do x,y and z by this time. Then eventually once I get all my things on my list done, THEN I'll have time to myself and for my kids.

Before I know it, my kids are home and I am starting to feel aggravated and on edge.  For what? I don't know, I just feel it. They are asking me for stuff.  Distracting me. Whatever it is that kids do.

Well, if I truly think about it, its because I am not HERE.  I am off OUT THERE in my "busy bee" thoughts, my to-do-list, my whatever it may be ..... and I am missing out on what's right here in front of me. Time with my children who want my attention.  So that's why my youngest is acting out.  I do things with her all the time. I feed her, bath her, dress her and take her to the park.  But when is the last time I just sat right there on the floor and played with her?  My son who can (and does) talk and talk and talk.... to the point that I sound him out and get back to my own thoughts. Again, I am missing out on these moments when he wants to talk to me.  As one day he may not want to talk so much to me.  I am not HERE with him.  I am OUT THERE.

I find myself day dreaming.  Feeling of constant discontentment. Anxious. Restless. Yet tired and overwhelmed. Lonely, yet busy.

I stop and ask God to please slow me down, and place contentment in my heart.  Take away my selfishness and replace it with thankfulness.  Take away my short temper and replace it with joy and patience. To be at peace with my life where it is today and HERE.  I focus way too much on what I want to be doing or be in the future, when in truth (in fact to be frank) my future isn't guaranteed to me.  I don't know how much time I have left in this flesh, or with my children.  I am on borrowed time.

So I just want to write tonight to remind myself that I need to stop being in a rush.  Stop being so busy.  Stop being so grouchy.  Stop being so displeased. Stop being so anxious.  Stop being so frustrated.  Stop being so impatient.  Stop being .......


Tonight, I watched the memorial service of a beautiful five year old little girl. She was smart, witty and funny.  She was athletic, loved to dance and do gymnastics.  They found out she had brain cancer, and with in 10 weeks of her diagnostics, she died after a hard fight. She left behind a hurting mommy, daddy and big brother.  I watched videos of her, and boy did she and her brother love each other.  They thought everything was fine.  There life was active and busy as everyone else's.

I cried and laughed watching her memorial service while listening to the stories of this little girls big personality.  And tonight she reminded me instead of just talking about slowing down.... I still have TIME to act on that slow down.

So tomorrow when Morgan messes up the beds after I have made them up.  I won't get mad, instead I'll be thankful she is here to mess them up.  I still have time.

Instead of yelling at Morgan over and over again to stay out of my shoes in the closet.  I will smile and be thankful she is here to walk in them.

Instead of thinking of all my "to do's" on my list.  I will simply ask Morgan "WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO!" And actually DO IT!

When my son gets home from school instead of half listening to his chatting self, while half thinking of what I want to get to next, or silently wishing he would just not talk for while.  I am going to be thankful he can speak and I'll actually listen to him with my full attention.  I want to memorize the sound of his voice.  I want to trace his entire face with my eyes and know all the details of him and be thankful he is mine.

Basically what I am saying is this.... I WANT, NEED and AM READY --  TO


Friday, August 20, 2010

Private Blog

I don't know how you guys do it, but it almost always gets me motivated to get on here and write a post.  Trust me, I am always thinking of post to write.  However, a thought is pretty much as far as it will get these days.  That for your benefit could be a good thing.

I have been getting more and more emails lately asking why I went private, or if I still plan to blog and can I send you an invite.  I thought I would fill you guys in with some answers.

1.  Private - I recently decided for a couple of reasons to go privately.  However, the biggest reason of this choice has been more of a professional reason.  I am considered a public figure.  I work in the public.  I am on TV and that is where I would like to grow in my professional career, TV/HOSTING.

After giving it much thought, I took the position that for now, while I am still a C-level actress trying to not only get my foot in the door, but keep it there, I decided it wasn't best 'professionally' to expose myself or my family, or share so much of my personal thoughts openly I was.

The argument I had with this for so long is that, I love to blog.  It gives me the chance to witness, talks about my God and make friends.  I love reading other blogs, praying for others and feeling connected in that way.

I want to be able to be a public figure and speak proudly and openly about my faith.  However, its a little hard to so when you are trying to "get it." I will not allow my career or my status or the "industries" opinion on people with faith shut me up, but I will try to walk this fine line of when it will be a little safer to open back up more freely again.

In the meantime, going private has allowed me to take some time off, without the pressure that I need to keep up and most as often.  Its allowed me to enjoy my summer with my family, focus on my marriage and learn how to get a little more of a healthier balance in my life.

2.  With that being said, YES, I do plan blogging again and continuing to blog. In fact, I want to point my career in a little different direction.  I am having new head shots done this year. I am having my website totally revamped and redone.  I am really exited. Its going to look up to date and fresh.  With that, I plan on adding a public blog section on that.  That blog will be more about the work industry of what I do.  Sort of let my fans and friends get the inside scoop of what I am doing as I am doing it.  Sort of like the ti-bit's I post on Facebook, but this way I can go into more detail and really bring you guys along.

3.  How do you get an invite and how can those not able to read my blog now, know they can get invited?  Its just going to be exactly how most of you have gotten the invite.  By emailing me and requesting an invite.  I don't need a huge following on here.  This blog is going to be real, raw, honest, inspirational, funny, my diary, my kids journals and simply MY SPACE!  One day it may be a letter to my kids, or a story that I wanted to keep.

So, if you have requested your invite, you are probably reading this post now.  THANK YOU and WELCOME.  I am honored to know that some how you have felt linked or connected or inspired or interested in things I have to share or say.

Oh, and feel free to spread the word.  I'll be a little guarded as to whom I invite.  I am not going to approve anyone and everyone that sends me their email address asking for an invite.  I want to keep this blog a little more intimate and feeling like a "small group" at a large function. As mega churches like to say, "as we grow, we still want to feel small."  If you want to come in, then step out and say hello.  Introduce yourself and let me get to know a little about you too.  I have had more people in the last couple of months that have come out to say hello that have never commented on my blog in the two years I have had it. That's crazy.  I have very much appreciated those of you that have taken the courage to step out and say hi to me.

Ill keep you posted on the new website and blog there so you can join in and show some support and love there.

Now, enough about that.

Lets talk about life.

Summer.   WOW, is all I can say.  Summer seriously flew by this year.  Yet, it felt just enough to allow me to be refreshed and ready to get going on the school year.

I can't believe my little man is going to the forth grade, and my baby girl is two-years old.  Does time continue to go by faster and faster, or will it slow back down? I am trying to figure out if its just us now, or if this is something to be expected.  Anyone want to share?

The hubby and I have been house hunting over the last couple of months.  Totally stressful.  You know, its starts out fun and all, then as you start realizing you can't afford all the homes that slip into your sight that you fall in love with, you start feeling stressed and pressured to move out of your budget a little more, extend a little more and we realize that is probably why there are so many people in debt.  Its SO hard to not get emotional about a home you love, or tell yourself you could move in it as is, which will be the same amount of work you would put into a home that isn't all done up that you would want to do work in eventually.  Take a deep breath, that was a long-winded and long run-on sentence. You know what I mean?   Lets not forget to mention that people that are on the selling end are in denial, still thinking they can price their home way above the market price.  Sadly, but true, there are some people out there that will buy into that trap and buy the homes, which in return ruins it for the other buyers, because then these sellers and realtors take that and run with it, trying to convince the buyers the market is going back up and try to pressure you into a price that is not in an honest ballpark for that home.   We are just going to pray about it and know that we are fortunate enough to even have this opportunity to be looking to purchase a new home.  We are blessed to both still be working.  It will work out the way its meant to work out. In the meantime, I am going to just stay focused on whats here in front of me today, like my healthy kids, my marriage building up (again) and my career having the opportunity to grow.

Hockey season is starting back up.  Tomorrow we have the first scrimmage of the season.  This year my little big man will experience his first season of check-hockey.  Hunter is very excited about that.  We are off to Disney on Sunday (just Hunter and I) along with his grandmother.  Its sort of like a makeup trip from our Disney trip last spring break that was totally ruined by rain storms.  Its going to be hot, but its our last little get away before the hectic schedules of hockey and school really kick in.  I look forward to spending some alone time with my 4th GRADER!!!!

Well... I could keep going and going, as I have much to catch you all up on, but instead I need to get in bed, for I have an early wake up time for hockey.

I hope you and yours enjoyed your summer and things are going well in your life.  Thanks for checking in on mine.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

When I get where I am going.

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light 
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

By: Brad Paisley

Just feeling these words today.  I am well. 

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I'm not sure.

I know its been a long while since I last said hello or wrote on here.  To be honest, I have been so busy.  Summers are really busy for me, as I do most of my travels then, kids are home and life gets in a different groove than that of the school year.

I have received several emails from readers and friends checking in on me, praying for me and asking if I would be back anytime soon to blog again.  The answer to that is ...

I'm not sure!

I don't feel fully ready to say good-bye to blogging, but part of me feels that I also don't feel the 'urge' or the desire to blog as much.  Don't get me wrong, I love to blog.  I do. I do. I just feel that I need a little break. So maybe this is all this is, a break.  Maybe more.

I'm not sure.

Tonight, I had no plans of writing on here.  However, I sat down and browsed a couple of other blogs to get the latest on others and here I am.  I figured the least I could do is write and tell you that I am well. I know some of my last post prior to having taking a hiatus this long, brought some concerns and questions. I apologize for that.

I have been going through some trials and storms over the last several months, and still going through them. I am keeping my head up about things and just relying on God.  What else can I do, right?  I won't load down on you tonight with my laundry list of personal problems.  I just thank you for your support, friendship and prayers.

Speaking of travels, I recently traveled to Bahamas a week and half ago.  I filmed an episode of my old travel show I used to host 'Get Out.' I went to the beautiful Paradise Island to swim with stingrays, sharks and visit little islands surrounded with amazing blue waters.  It was a blast. My show should air in about 3-4 weeks on HD Net, so if you watch or follow the show check it out.  I am sad to say that 'Get Out' (well HD Net I should say) has turned a little 'unrated' it seems with Get Out, and so I won't be doing many of the shows in the future probably.  Lindsay also has left as the host of the show.  As unfortunate as that is (the show going in that direction) it was and has been an amazing experience all around.  As long as I am not asked to do anything unrated, I won't mind guest appearing time to time to have some fun and adventure.

Speaking of shows, I have recently auditioned to co-shot a new show, totally different from Get Out/ travel stuff.  I was called back for a second audition and I feel like I nailed it.  However, as anyone knows how this business goes, you never know.  I really think it would be an amazing gig to land and it would be something totally fitting for me.  If you would maybe add me on your prayer list that maybe this is in the plan (His plan) for me to land this new hosting position.  Thanks.

I was just in NYC this past weekend.  A little play and a little work.  I have yet to have a bad experience in NYC.  I love that city.  I enjoyed visiting my dear friend Blair, and walking her dog Bella A LOT! LOL. We took it easy and just enjoyed walks, dining out, a movie, girl talk and the parks.  I wish I could have stayed longer, but as I mentioned before I travel in the summer and so I am leaving in two days to Jackson Hole for a Baniewicz Family vacation.  Although, its summer and I am ready for the warm weather, we are headed to some pretty chilly to cold weather this week, and possible rain.  I don't mind it too much as the activity list planned for this trip looks amazing.  Check it out...

White water rafting down Snake River
A Dusk Safari
Eight mile bike ride
Horse Bike Riding
A ski lift to top of mountains to get a birds eye view of Gods beautiful creation
A sky gazing evening
A chuck-wagon ride into the forest for a dinner and entertainment by cowboys
Pool, tennis, ready, board games, art time and fishing on the down time.

Thats just a few of the things on our action packed list.  I look forward to seeing the kids enjoy and explore it all the most.

I'll be around for the first two weeks of July, then I'll be heading to Arizona to shoot with Kawasaki Jet Ski client again.  I look forward to that as I get to visit my brother and his family while there.  Ill take Morgan with me and my parents will drive up from Texas too, so I'll get to see them as well.  In between all of this, Ill be in Boston for a weekend and then Cape Code for a weekend.  Spend some time with my girl Lindsay and my boo while he is visiting his dad.

So there you go.  :)

I do still have one more book to giveaway of Plan B.  I hope to do that when I get back during that two week no travel period.  If the hosting gig is in my future, Ill start working and filming for that show just in the nick of time after all my travels. I promise to keep you posted on the outcome.  I actually hope to have a new blog to add along with a new hosting job.  Please pray.

And I know its a bad no-no to post with out adding pictures, but I have been posting so much on Facebook that all my photos are there.  I encourage you to find me there so you can always have the latest scoop. Just click on the Facebook link to the left of my blog and it will take you directly to my page.   I am in the works of an online campaign too, that will be mostly done on Facebook and Twitter, so if you have one please find me and follow me.

Okay-okay... so I really couldn't walk away without at least leaving you with one photo.

Morgan had her two-year check up a couple of weeks ago.  The doctor heard her murmur again.  The murmur that was gone once the heart defect healed up and closed up a year ago.  As we were told, the possibility of it returning has become our reality.  She does have a heart murmur.  It is innocent.  The pediatric heart doctor said that "she has two strings in a diagonal in the corner of one of the walls her heart.  Basically like guitar strings.  And said she has a musical heart."

I laughed and said "well she does love to sing and dance thats for sure." He looked over at Morgan whom was happily sucking on her reward lollipop and asked "do you like to sing?" Morgan with a proud and loud response said "YEAH!!!!!" And without a beat began to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to him. We both laughed, she loved the attention and off we went to finish out our day.

No mother likes to hear that the heart of your very child has something different going on than "normal." And although the murmur is innocent and "normal" so to speak, I do feel at total peace about it.  I said to God on the drive to her heart specialist appointment, "Lord, I have given my trust and my daughter over to you, as she is yours to begin with.  If their is anything going on with her heart, You already know about it.  I am given the gift of protecting it, guiding it and loving it. So I'll leave the rest of the plans of her heart in Your hands."  And that I will.


So, when will I be back to blog again?

I'm not sure.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Plan B (WINNER!) and stuff....

Congratulations to.......


I hope you enjoy it.

Not to worry.  I have ONE MORE BOOK to giveaway.  I am just thinking how I want to do this next giveaway.  Something creative and different than this last one.  Stay tuned.

I was outside and captured this little guy soaking up some sun the other day.  I thought it looked cool enough to post here, just because I can! 


Also, if you haven't been paying attention to my tweets or following me on Facebook (click button to left of blog post, since the new link setup they have here on blogger STINKS!), you missed out that I participated in a Model Beach Volleyball Tournament last weekend.  


As captain of the Green Agency, I would like to brag on my team a little.  We went in strong, ended the first day in the top seed bracket.  On Sunday, we lost a couple of guys and ended up with more losses than wins, eliminating us from the final rounds.  Although pretty bummed we lost the following.....
  • Bragging rights for our modeling agency
  • A trophy to have our agency name graved on it to pass it on next year
  • A FREE trip for the entire team to a Nikki Beach resort somewhere tropical (besides Florida) 
We did have an amazing time.  I made some new friends, got a really painful sunburn and took some pretty cool pictures.  You can click HERE (again since the link setup isn't working here on blog, copy and paste link below in new browser to check out the photos!!!!

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!!!  

Congrats again to Heather Matherne!!!  
(Just message me on Facebook your mailing address and I will get that book on its way to you!!! 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

8:16 AM....

..... on April 14, 2008.

The moment you enter into this world and into my life forever and always.

The day I saw my little girls face, heard her cry and touched her skin.
The very day that made my life that much better and richer.
The day I would start a journey of learning more about myself as a girl, through loving my daughter.
The day I realized I still had room in my heart to love that much more.
The day I became a mom of a little boy and a little girl.

Dear Morgan,

Today, you turn two sweet butterfly. I can hardly believe it myself.  As you lay sleeping so sweetly in your crib.  I sneak in to grab one last look at you before writing this post.  You are curled up on your side, with your hands on each side of your face.  You are truly precious and so peaceful when you sleep. Sometimes I go in and just softly stroke your hair, just because I want to touch you one last time before I fall asleep.  Sometimes after I pray with you, I will go back in and pray over you while you sleep.  You have brought so much joy in this family.  You are so full of life, personality and laughter.  You are outgoing, so friendly and you make friends wherever you go.

You love, love, love to talk.  Its insane how much you can go on and on and on, talking in your own language.  Funny thing is, I understand a lot of it.  I have you on video camera talking on the phone and I can't wait to show you when you are older. You are so big. Your hair has grown like crazy over the last year.  Its beautiful too.  The perfect shade of sandy beach blond, so soft and the cutest curls at the end. I love when the wind blows it in your face and you take both hands at the same time, cover your entire face up with your hands and push the hair back out of your face.

You love playing, singing and DANCING most. You love your brother and really love to make him laugh.  You vocabulary is amazing.  It amazes me how much you can understand at only two years old.  I still can't believe I just said "two-years-old!"  Where has the time gone?

My sweet little girl.  You are simply beautiful.  I know we are celebrating your special 2nd birthday, but inside I am celebrating all over again the gift that God placed in my life, when he breathed life into.  I will say this any chance I get "I am so honored to have been chosen to be your mother." WOW! What an honor that is. God has chosen you, and HE has a plan for your life....and yet HE chose ME, with all my baggage, my flaws and my imperfections as a human being, to me YOUR mother.

Sometimes I can imagine you grown up already, and looking into those blue eyes and just talking about life and memories.  You are a special little girl.

You are obsessed with shoes.  And I am not kidding.  You wake up and the first thing you want is to pick out a pair of shoes to put on.  You have a pile of "play" shoes, in which you rotate through them all day long, if it be rain boots, cowgirl boots, high heels, flip flops, moms 'big shoes' or sneakers. You love being girly.  You love wearing dresses, letting my blow dry your hair and paint your 'pretties' finger nails.

I remember the first time you said "I wuv you"... you were getting reading to go some where with daddy.  I was putting you in the car seat and out of nowhere, all on your own, you say "I wuv you." It took both your dad and I by such surprise.  It totally melted my heart.  I still get butterflies in my tummy thinking about that very moment. You wake up and you say "good morning" with a smile.

You are also really figuring out how to do the full body tantrums.  You are surely a strong child and with a feisty personality.  Right now it can be a challenge because there is no negotiating when you go into a full blown tantrum, but I know if we direct it in the right direction all that strength you show, we will make a strong women out of you.

You love watching Dora, Elmo, Scooby-Doo and Wizard of Oz. You say "Oz" when you want to watch Wizard of Oz, and you say "Da Da Da Dora" when you want to watch Dora.  And 'da da da Dora" is the theme song that you sing off.  You love books. You love to be outside.  You love to look at and touch every tree you see.  YOu give them hugs and look to see if you can find a bug on each tree.  It takes a long time to make it around the block on our walks for that very reason.  You love chasing the ducks out of the back yard. You love to play with balls.

Baby girl... there is so much I want to write down and not forget about you at this sweet age of two years old.  You are my best girl, my love bug, my princess, my rainbow, my garden, my sweet butterfly.

Happy Birthday My Love.



Thursday, April 8, 2010

Plan B (Nashville Part III)

Sometimes life takes us for a surprising turn.  Something you never saw coming.  Something completely out of your control and comfort zone.  Something scary, heartbreaking and even sad.  You don't know where to turn.  You can't seem to gather your thoughts.  You ask God "why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

You may even express what a good person you are, and all the good deeds you do for others.  How you love people with all you have. You give, you pray and you love unselfishly.  Yet, still things turn dark and your world is broken.  Dreams are shattered.  Fears begin to sneak in and attack your every thought. You feel panic approaching behind you at any second.  You freeze.  You almost forget to breath.

People will say they'll pray for you, but that doesn't give you any answers, or any direction to start heading in while you are still stunned by all the pieces of your life you see scattered on the floor around you.

This wasn't your plan.

So who's plan is it?

The enemy?


What happens when God doesn't show up the way "you" thought HE would?

As I have mentioned on my blog a few times, Pete Wilson, has written a book just about that titled PLAN B.  He is a pastor in Nashville and his first book "Plan B" is here.

Pete Wilson
Author of Plan B

 pete wilson,plan b

I have been in touch with him over the last several weeks and its been confirmed that I have the privilege to have a giveaway here of TWO of his books.

Wait... there is more.  Although, not yet confirmed, I am pretty certain I can talk Pete into shipping out two 'signed' copies of this book. 

I'll reconfirm that once I get actual confirmation.  Not sure if Pete will actually have the books in hand himself and ship them to the winners, or if it will be done through publishers.  I am working on that.

Either way... you have a chance to WIN a FREE copy of his book "PLAN B."

 pete wilson,plan b

Since this is a gift from someone else that I get to giveaway,  there is going to be some effort needed (a little) on your end.

We are wanting to help promote this book.  Someone out there is in need of this book in their life.  Maybe you, someone you know or someone you are totally unaware of but is either a friend of yours, follows you on Twitter, Facebook or your Blog.  While you try to win your own free copy of this book, lets get the word out there for others who may also really need to read this book. 

I also am getting a copy and can't wait to read it.  So here is what I am asking of you to spread the word and increase your chance of winning your own FREE BOOK.

  • Leave a comment here at the end of this post letting me know you want to win
  • Friend me on Facebook
  • Follow me on Twitter
  • Tweet about this giveaway and book
  • Post about it on your own Facebook profile
  • Blog about it
  • Post about my blog and this giveaway on your own blog (5 extra points)
  • Mention my blog on any of the three locations (Facebook, Twitter, Your Blog)
{Copy and paste this link in your Twitter, Facebook and Blog post} (

When you leave your comment let me know what out of the list above you have done. For each item you can check off above, you get a point.  That means for each point you get, that is the number of times your name will go into the drawing for the giveaway.  

The first giveaway will end next Thursday (April 15th) at midnight. I'll announce the winner sometime  by the weekend.  That gives you a full week to get the word out about this book and blog about it.  If you tweet multiple times, or mention it in your status MY BLOG ( and the GIVEAWAY during this week, leave me another comment so I can check it out and add that to your count.

{Copy and paste this link in your Twitter, Facebook and Blog post} (

Sound like fun?  I think so. I am super excited about this giveaway.

So go out and spread the word.

Also, although I couldn't resize this video to fit my blog post, I wanted to share it anyways for those that have not had the chance to see it.  

Here is the video promo of the book "PLAN B" that I filmed on my visit to Nashville.  

There you have it (Part I, Part II and Part III) of my trip to Nashville.  A pretty exciting trip all done in a 24 hour period.  Crazy right?

God is so amazing that way.

Have a blessed day.  

**For those that don't want to wait or participate in the drawing and rather just purchase your own book, I have given you the link right here to do so.  

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Plan B (Nashville Part II)

Yes, I know this is really, really, really..... REALLY OVERDUE.

However, my life shortly after that made that trip to Nashville, took an unexpected turn of it's own, and I am currently dealing with my real life "Plan B."

Remember this post? I traveled to Nashville to film a video promo for Pete Wilson's book 'Plan B'?

You will have to check out THAT post for photos and video from the filming shoot if you missed it.

Do you remember me also saying that I had negotiated Pete a little 'trade out' for my travels to Nashville?

Do you also remember me saying that I would write another post with those details?

Well, lucky you... this is that post today. *smiling* Its seems like months ago, but this was only February.

By the way, are all of you ready for Easter this weekend? I am finding it harder and harder to prep for anything ahead of time like I used to do so well. I am becoming more and more of procrastinator and I don't like to say that out loud. I don't considered myself to be one to procrastinate at all. I am a go getter and doer. Until these last couple of years now having two children, schedules and travels to keep up with, I now seem to plan for holidays, birthdays and special occasions at the last minute.

My point is...... I am going shopping this evening after Morgans nap for the "Easter Bunny."

Nashville Part II.

Once upon time......

Just kidding!

Two-years ago this month, I was a pretty BIG pregnant girl women, ready to burst. My dear BFF told me of another pregnant women and of her blog. We (the blogger and myself) had the same exact due dates of April 14th. Both of us were also carrying daughters. I thought how fun and exciting, and I couldn't wait to get online to check out her blog.


Unfortunately, my BFF being the best of friends she is, would not allow me to view this bloggers website until AFTER I had given birth to my own daughter. That of course, for me, is NOT cool. I went into asking question after question, for I wanted the details and to know WHY? I don't like being in suspense at all.

She would not share no matter how many times I bugged her about it.

On April 14, 2008 at 8:16 AM I gave birth to my healthy beautiful daughter MacKenzie Morgan Paige. It was a beautiful spring day in Florida. I remember it well.


About a week or so after going home with my new bundle of joy, my BFF finally gave me the link to that blog.

I remember getting the kids down for bed, husband in bed and I was sitting up on the couch alone with my laptop reading her blog. Tears begin to fall, my heart ached and broke for what I was reading.

Her story touched me so deeply, and I instantly grew a bond with her forever.

A lot of us being in the same blogging circle know her well and her daughter's story.

Her beautiful daughter Audrey Caroline, was diagnosed with a heart defect and wasn't expected to make it to birth. A week before her due date, her mother was scheduled for a c-section to deliver her little girl. On April 7th, Audrey Caroline was born, and she lived for 2 1/2 hours. Her mother was able to hold her, hear her little heart beat, kiss her, feel her breath and see her eyes. After 2 1/2 hours in her mothers arms, and her sisters sitting on the bed around her and their mother, she quietly slipped away and into the opened arms of Jesus, her Heavenly Father.

I cry as I type this, thinking about her story. I remember how I felt the first time I read her story and two years later I still feel that way.

April of 2008... two mothers due on April 14th. Two mothers gave birth to their daughters. Only one mother went home with her arms full, and the other went home broken hearted and with empty arms.

Something about that seems so unfair. Even though I am the mom with the full arms.... it still feels unfair.

April 2008, one angel God chose to stay for His purpose, and one chosen to return early for HIS purpose. Little Audrey Caroline has touched so many lives in her months in her mothers womb and her brief 2 1/2 hours here on earth. I only hope and pray that I can reach that many lives and share the story of my Savior as that little redhead beauty has. I hope that I am able to raise my daughter in a way that is pleasing to Jesus. That she becomes a so filled with her own love for Jesus, that she'll be used by her creator to tell a beautiful story that was written by Him.


A year went by and here we are with another passing year. Has it already been two-years? Two years since my little princess was born, and two years since her little princess took her last breath? A part of me is sad in many ways. Sad because my little girl is growing up so quickly, and very sad to see that my new friend isn't getting to celebrate the birthday of her little girl once again. Instead, its another hard milestone to face.

I read her blog (every post) and I always admire her beauty, her strength and even her humor. I had hoped to meet her one day, and always imagined what that greeting would be like. I imagined us both just meeting eye-to-eye, face-to-face with an instant bond, huge hugs and tears down both of our face. I simply just wanted to hug her. Not that she necessarily would want to hug me back the same.

Never did I know this day would actually come, and I would have the chance to meet her.

Then Nashville and Plan B came into the picture.

I am sure most of you know who I am talking about.... and with out further waiting. I asked Pete if he would have any pull with setting it up so that I could meet my sister in Christ, Angie Smith.

Not only did Pete know Angie well, she also attends his church where he is the pastor. He wrote me back with wonderful news and a few more surprises.

1) Yes, that he was able to set it up so that I can meet Angie.

Angie, also knew of me, as we had been in communication through the blogging world, and as well she new my BFF and a couple of others from my church. Small world, right?

To my surprise she told Pete she knew who I was and was just as excited to meet me.

As if that wasn't exiting enough, Pete also told me that her husband Todd Smith, who is a singer in the band Selah, whom was supposed to be out of town, is now in town, and will also be joining in that greeting. He made dinner reservation for his wife Brandi, (whom I call a friend of mine now) himself, me, Angie and Todd Smith.

2) I then get another email a few days later saying that one of Angies BFF's, and also blogger/mommy, Jessica Turner. Whom I also follow and know through blogging. That her and her husband, Matthew Turner, also wanted to join us for dinner.


What an unexpected, joyful, wonderful and amazing surprise for me.

I arrived in Nashville. I filmed the video. The book will be released in one month now.

Then evening falls and its time for dinner.

Yet, I am given another surprise.

Angie and her entire family are meeting us at The Wilson's home, so her little girls can hangout with their little boys (3 girls and 3 boys, by the way).

Its time.

They arrive, the doorbell rings and my heart beats with excitement and I must admit, I'm a little nervous. I didn't want to play out my original imagined greeting there in the house in front of all the kids and other adults. So I gathered my composer, I walked around the corner and I see three beautiful little girls walk through the door and one of the most beautiful women (inside and out) that I have ever met. We both smiled, hugged and smiled again. I am quickly introduced to her daughters, Ellie, Abby and Kate, and her husband Todd.

They are everything you would expect them to be in person, and much more. What a lovely, God centered and God loving family.

We finally get the kids settled in with the sitter and we load up in Pete and Brandi's car. The cold air so crisp and fresh.

You would have thought we've all been friends for years during that drive to dinner. We were talking and laughing, telling story after story. It was a very humbling and rewarding moment.

Once we arrived at our dinner place, Bri Bistro Italiano (need I say more?). We are quickly greeted by Jessica and Matthew.

Okay, I seriously started to wonder if everyone in Nashville were as nice as these folks I am having the pleasure to eat dinner with tonight. Jessica gave me a hug, I shook Matthew's hand and instantly became friends.

Jessica is one smart cookie. This girl is fun, and loves to share in on good deals. Such a great personality and big heart for moms. Matthew, a doting dad, and a blogger himself. I need to find his blog again. They are new parents to a little boy, and both just love him and God so much. Such a pleasure to have met them.

As we are seated around our dinner table, the conversations all quickly begin, the food is being ordered and laughter fills the room. At one point I remember fading off into my own thoughts for a second, while looking where I was sitting. I was sitting with some amazing people. I felt that God was up to something but I wasn't sure what exactly. All I know is that in that moment, everything was right. I felt blessed.

At another moment, I remember sitting there thinking about Angie as she sat there next to me, telling many of her funny stories. And she had lots of funny stories. As she was talking, I remember thinking of Audrey. Thinking "this beautiful mother next to me, lost her child." I quickly had to break my thoughts or I would have just lost it right then and there. I honestly just can not imagine that kind of loss or pain.

However, I remember thinking that I had not mentioned Audrey at all. I didn't want to be the one to bring up something so fragile and painful. I also didn't want to be just another one of those that didn't bring it up, like it was the forbidden fruit to talk about, or to have her feel that she wasn't able to talk about her daughter with me. When I saw the door open for a moment to ask her, I gently tapped her arm and said "I think about Audrey often." She smiled, her eyes so gentle and you could tell how much joy it brought to her just to have heard the name Audrey. As we talked for a moment, we also got to talking about her current pregnancy. What a beautiful pregnant lady she makes. She had the "glow" although before dinner that evening she wasn't feeling all that well. This pregnancy has made her tired. She is expecting another daughter and soon she will be the mother of five princesses.

Ahhhh.... what a night. What a trip.

I still sit here all wide eyed and amazed, how God shows us HIS love, beauty and grace every single day. I often wonder how often does God try to say hello to me in some subtle way that I miss every day, or take for granted?

Because of conflict in schedule of work and travels, I wasn't going to make that trip to Nashville. Someone else would have filled in my spot. Instead, God said "no, this is YOUR trip Misty. I have some special people for you to meet."

And that I did.



And as if that wasn't exciting enough..... I have MORE SURPRISES to come (Nashville Part III). You are going to like this.

Look out for that post to come very soon. Not like in a couple of months soon, but in like a day or two soon. Its so exciting that I can't wait to write the post and publish it already.

I hope you and yours has a very blessed Easter holiday.

Friday, March 26, 2010

18 days....

and my butterfly will be two years old. I can't believe it. Sniff. Sniff.



Thursday, March 25, 2010


Dictionary entry overview: What does contagious mean?

CONTAGIOUS (adjective)
The adjective CONTAGIOUS has 2 senses:

1. easily diffused or spread as from one person to another
2. (of disease) capable of being transmitted by infection

Familiarity information: CONTAGIOUS used as an adjective is rare.

Dictionary entry details

CONTAGIOUS (adjective)


Easily diffused or spread as from one person to another

Context example:

a contagious grin


infectious (easily spread)

When we think of the word 'contagious' we normally think of something bad. It typically says to our brain "stay away" and "don't come in contact".

Today we are going to think of 'contagious' as something wonderful and tell your brains to "catch it" and to "try and get it."

My example for today is my neighborhood crossing guard.

I don't know his name. I have never had a conversation with him (until this morning), becuase with his kind of words, there is no need for more sometimes.

I have wanted to take his picture to show as an example many times, but didn't want him to think I was weird or anything. Instead, I looked online and found other photos of cross-guards to use in this post. However, I just had to get HIS photo, because I want to give you a face of the man that I am talking about.

This morning on my way to take Hunter to school, I rolled down my window and said hello, and asked if I could take his photo. In which he joyfully smiled. It gave me the opportunity to A) say hello to this friendly stranger I see every day and B) use this as an example to not only myself, but to my son.

The conversation went like this:

Me: Honey, you see this guard here on the right?

Hunter: Yea.

Me: Watch him when I pull up, he will be smiling.

Hunter: How do you know?

Me: Because, he smiles every day, haven't you noticed?

Hunter: (Looking with curiosity out of the window)

Me: See, he is smiling as he always is.

(I pull up to the stop sign and roll down my window)

Me: (to cross-guard): Good morning. I was just telling my son about your contagious smile.

Crossguard: Good morning (with a hand reaching to his hat, as he nods his head in a delightful greating).

Me: Do you mind if I take your picture and use you as an example?

Crossguard: I just hope there isn't anything in my teeth. (smiling)

Me: Thank you and have a wonderful day.

Me: Did you know that by choice that gentleman chooses to smile every day? Noone knows what his week has been like, or if he had a bad morning or if his life isn't all fun and joy right now. Because even if it was, he makes the choice to smile and be happy and thankful with his life today, and now.

He could choose to just stand there, be grumpy and not smile or look anyone in the eye. But he chooses other wise.

Just like you chose to express attitude this morning over something small. You need to learn to make better choices in the type of attitude you want to express and show to those around you.

I want you, buddy, to practice being positive and contagious, and see how many people you can make smile and feel good in your day.

Then, I gave him an example for him to use at school today.

There is a young girl in his class that for whatever reason will do things that are gross, out of dares of her classmates, just to get the attention from them. Her recent stunt, licking the classroom floor with her tongue. They all laughed at her and say how gross she is. Although, she laughs with them and doesn't seem to mind it, I think later it could, or maybe already is when she is by herself and not having to put up the "front" to her classmates.

Me: (continuing) Hunter, if they try to dare her to do something today, or she is even asking for a dare. Its all because she just wants attention. Why don't you surprise her, stand up for her and say something like "Julie (name change for her privacy), I think you are funny without having to do anything gross. You don't have to do gross stuff to make me laugh."

Maybe those little words by one person can change the way she feels about herself and how she feels she needs to behave to get the wrong kind of attention.

Now, if only we 'adults' can have that same kind of class. Well, we can, but most of us choose not to.

I always laugh and say that we are just a bunch of over grown kids ourselves, some never willing to just grow up and be mature.

So, today I encourage YOU to make a choice and choose to be CONTAGIOUS. Be contagious in our body launguage, your facial expressions, your tone and your words. Choose to smile today and pass the contagiouness on. Make someone else smile today.

Today, I ask, who can I bless today? How can I be contagious? How can I choose to make a positive choice over a negative choice? Yesterday, I had a choice in my life, in a very important area of my life. I chose to do make the contagious and positive choice, and boy am I thankful I did.

Because, at the end of the day, I too was blessed. My family was blessed. And it simply felt nice to put a smile on someone else faces and bless that person even more.

Try it, I dare you. Go out and be contagious!

Oh, and while I am at it, say hello to your cross-guards. He/she may not be as happy and smiley as mine, but maybe your hello can make them smile at that very moment! Make their day. Appreciate your cross-guards. Even if you can't stop, roll down your window and smile, honk your horn and give them a big smile and wave.

You can say a lot without words, just like this fella in this photo does everyday!!!


Related Posts with Thumbnails