Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Remembering: ALL OF THEM

This is also a LIFE!!

I too miscarried before I had Morgan. I planned that pregnancy too. We tried, I got pregnant, we prayed and we were thankful. I still have that positive test. 

The morning of my doctors appointment I started to bleed heavily as well. I also saw shedding of clots that had fallen out of me. I even remember starring down into the toilet and I KNEW it was my baby sitting there. I wanted to reach down and grab it, but didn't. 

I stayed strong. I was disappointed and also tried to not show real emotion about it. However as time went on...I started to feel more and more sad about it. I bled so much for over 2 months. I had to go in every 2 days for blood work until my numbers went down to zero. My body for many weeks after kept telling me I was pregnant. Which then I was told that my body wasn't getting rid of the full remains and so I needed assistance. 

They gave me two shots of this stuff, I forget the name in which is really 'used' to abort pregnancy. How awful that made me feel knowing what was being put in my body. I then cried that day while at lunch with Mark. I felt I had really truly lost something. And I did!!! No matter how big or baby was a live and living for those 6 to 7 weeks inside me. 

It was even harder to keep seeing a positive pregnancy test for weeks afterwards. I was really struggling with that because we wanted a baby and each time I saw that "positive" stick.... I would know that it was still from my baby that didn't make it. So although I lost my baby at 6 to 7 weeks gestation, my body stayed with it for a total of about 4 months when you add the 2 months after the miscarriage that I continued to bleed and remain positive on the pregnancy test. 

It was an emotional time and I am thankful for the support I had around me when I went through it.  Don't let anyone tell you that "it isn't a big deal" when you miscarry, no matter how far along you were. Don't let doctors ramble off with percentages of this happening or even blowing it off as just a "etopic pregnancy".  Just research how many living and breathing babies are walking around today that was from an "etopic pregnancy".  It was ALIVE enough for you to have a positive pregnancy reading, then it was ALIVE period and that means it was a LIFE that didn't make it.  

I want to take this opportunity to think about the parents who have lost children, and remember those babies that are no longer with their families and say a prayer for each hurting heart out there today and tonight.  

Thinking of you my little baby, I am sorry I never got to meet you, but know I will one day see you again.  Love - Mom


I will NOT post for the the entire day (Oct. 15h).... I give this silence to those precious little tiny hearts that lost their beats, and prayer to those hearts that will forever and always be part broken. 

Please click HERE to read hundreds of stories of those babies that have been lost either through miscarriage, still born or shortly after. First read Audrey Carolines post, and then read below the hundreds of shared stories with BIG losses. 

P.S. For those who have misscaried, a girl named Andrea has a support blog where you can share your story and find comfort, connection and healing in the stories of other women who have been in the same place at some time.
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