Tuesday, April 8, 2008

TUFF LUV - (5-days to go)

So last night my son is dropped off by his dad after hockey.  I ask him how practice went and he gave me the head shake and a "good" response. I take it! I haven't seen him much in the last 4 to 5 days because it was his dads weekend so I was looking forward to my evening with him.
When all of the sudden I get the text from dad saying Hunter was horrible at practice, was talking back to him (his dad coaches now) and just completely misbehaving.  When his dad sent him off the ice he then would throw down his gloves, stick and pout. 

So what am I left to do?  I of course have to punish him.  But before I go on with the rest of this story let me state this.....  Hunter is a VERY good kid.  He is smart, caring, loving, sensitive and giving.  He doesn't ask for much at all. With that being said the one issues really that we continue to struggle with in Hunter is his attitude when it comes to sports or losing at anything.   Hunter (as most kids and adults) just doesn't handle losing well at all.  He gets angry and even throws a temper now and then with it. Additionally he hasn't gotten to the point where he has learned to keep his mouth shut and just say "okay" when an adult of any kind be a teacher or coach or parent get on to him or try to tell him something.  Basically constructive criticism he doesn't know how to take. He feels that he must explain himself or defend himself every time and this gets him in trouble because he doesn't understand why that is considered talking back sometimes.  To him he is just explaining his defense.  Which I totally get and understand, for I often remember feeling and doing the same thing even at a much older age when growing up.  It is hard. 

Anyways, once I told Hunter what his dad had just told me and began talking to him about it.  Once he didn't like what I had to say he of course gets an attitude with me.  It ended up getting really ugly last night to the point where he rolled his eyes at me, he took his hand and made the talking motion with his hand as if saying "blah-blah-blah" to me as he was getting undressed to get in the shower.  This pushed my button! I then spat him on his bare bottom with my hand, something I never do and haven't done in years since he was younger. He of course gets this tuff guy look on his face and rolls his eyes again while giving me that "I hate you glare".  So I spat him again (a total of 3 times).  He of course didn't budge (or blink) I think.  Then gets in the shower.

So I just looked him right back in the face and I said to him "do you think you are scaring me with that mean evil look?  Do you not think God doesn't know what you are saying in your mind right now at your mother?  You may think you are tuff, but you are still the child and I am still the parent, I will win this game."   I then continued by telling him that he just got himself grounded from DS, NANO, XBOX, COMPUTER, TV and PLAYDATES until the end of the school year.  I made sure dad was on the same page so I am not the bad guy here in this. 

After he showered and sending him to bed, I felt mixed in my own emotions.  I felt bad that I just had that fight with him, that I spanked him and that he went to bed with his last words being "I hate you".  Even though before I turned the light off and shut his door I said " no matter what I will always love you." I realized my feelings were actually hurt.  

I think what is hard is that my main concern through out this entire pregnancy is how Hunter would feel.  I want to make sure that he knows that he is my baby boy, that I love him so much and that would never change even when his sister gets here.  So the timing of this last night was not the best, but it is what it is and has to be dealt with. 

This morning I was going through some pictures and came across some of his baby photos and I just want to cry. First because I miss that baby boy of mine who is growing up way too fast and then also because I look back on that sweet baby who is now a big boy at 7 years old, giving me the I hate you stare and saying "I hate you".   You love your kids so much and I am thinking "wow, I am about to have a new little one on my hands again and will one day be going through all these emotions again."  You don't realize it until you are a parent and go through it yourself just how much as a child you are loved and how deeply your own parents care for you and how they felt all those times they had to give you some "TUFF LUV". 

So mom and dad..... Thank you for loving me as much as you did and thank you for the "tuff luv" you gave to me when it was needed.  

PS:  And FYI I couldn't go to bed with out going back into his room two more times just to kiss all over his face while he slept, whispering in his ear how much I love him.  I just needed him to know that I have unconditional love for him ALWAYS, even when my own feelings get hurt. 

2 Personal Thoughts:

joycyann said...

Sweet girl, it is tough, but your consistency will let him know just how much you love him...love does hurt sometimes!

joycyann said...

Sweet girl, it is tough, but your consistency will let him know just how much you love him...love does hurt sometimes!

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