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This is also a LIFE!!
I too miscarried before I had Morgan. I planned that pregnancy too. We tried, I got pregnant, we prayed and we were thankful. I still have that positive test.
The morning of my doctors appointment I started to bleed heavily as well. I also saw shedding of clots that had fallen out of me. I even remember starring down into the toilet and I KNEW it was my baby sitting there. I wanted to reach down and grab it, but didn't.
I stayed strong. I was disappointed and also tried to not show real emotion about it. However as time went on...I started to feel more and more sad about it. I bled so much for over 2 months. I had to go in every 2 days for blood work until my numbers went down to zero. My body for many weeks after kept telling me I was pregnant. Which then I was told that my body wasn't getting rid of the full remains and so I needed assistance.
They gave me two shots of this stuff, I forget the name in which is really 'used' to abort pregnancy. How awful that made me feel knowing what was being put in my body. I then cried that day while at lunch with Mark. I felt I had really truly lost something. And I did!!! No matter how big or small...my baby was a live and living for those 6 to 7 weeks inside me.
It was even harder to keep seeing a positive pregnancy test for weeks afterwards. I was really struggling with that because we wanted a baby and each time I saw that "positive" stick.... I would know that it was still from my baby that didn't make it. So although I lost my baby at 6 to 7 weeks gestation, my body stayed with it for a total of about 4 months when you add the 2 months after the miscarriage that I continued to bleed and remain positive on the pregnancy test.
It was an emotional time and I am thankful for the support I had around me when I went through it. Don't let anyone tell you that "it isn't a big deal" when you miscarry, no matter how far along you were. Don't let doctors ramble off with percentages of this happening or even blowing it off as just a "etopic pregnancy". Just research how many living and breathing babies are walking around today that was from an "etopic pregnancy". It was ALIVE enough for you to have a positive pregnancy reading, then it was ALIVE period and that means it was a LIFE that didn't make it.
I want to take this opportunity to think about the parents who have lost children, and remember those babies that are no longer with their families and say a prayer for each hurting heart out there today and tonight.
Thinking of you my little baby, I am sorry I never got to meet you, but know I will one day see you again. Love - Mom
THIS IS A LIFE!!!!
I will NOT post for the the entire day (Oct. 15h).... I give this silence to those precious little tiny hearts that lost their beats, and prayer to those hearts that will forever and always be part broken. Please click HERE to read hundreds of stories of those babies that have been lost either through miscarriage, still born or shortly after. First read Audrey Carolines post, and then read below the hundreds of shared stories with BIG losses.
P.S. For those who have misscaried, a girl named Andrea has a support blog where you can share your story and find comfort, connection and healing in the stories of other women who have been in the same place at some time. http://www.emptybuthealing.blogspot.com/
7 Personal Thoughts:
Wow, Misty! I had no idea...you too. I think one of the reasons that we tried not to give in to any kind of grieving at first is because our society tells us, time after time, that it's not a baby...just tissue. While I knew and know that's not true at the time I chose to sort of believe it just so I can escape the pain. Just so I don't get any kind of pity and be looked upon as weak. Does that make sense?
When you wrote that you almost reached down and grabbed the baby...I know what you mean. I wanted to do that too but didn't. Again, probably because I didn't want "loosing my baby" to really be a reality.
When I light my candle tonight, I will pray for you as you pray for me.
What would we do without each other, love?
I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TONIGHT AS WELL AS THE OTHERS, IT IS A SAD AND DIFFULICULT FEELING AND TIME, GOD WORKS IN STRANGE WAYS, THAT WILL ALWAYS BE SOMETHING YOU WILL MISS AND A REMEMBER. , WHAT IF IS THE EXCAT QUESTION?, AGAIN GOD HAS A REASON AND A PLAN AND GOD KNOWS WE ALL MAY NOT AGREE WITH SOME DECTIONS AT THE TIME BUT LIKE EVERY PARENT HE KNOWS AND PUT US FIRST. AND FORMOST.ALL THE TIME. JUST REMEMBER THAT IT WAS NOT MENT TO BE AT THAT EXCAT TIME AND WOW LOOK AT THE MIERIACALS YOU WERE BLESSED WITH. 2 BEAUTIFUL KIDS THAT CALL YOU MOMMY, YES YOU SHOULD NOT FOR GET AND I AGREE IT WAS NOT DONE TO HURT YOU IT WAS ALL ABOUOT TIMEING AND GOD DIDNT THINK YOU WERE READY I ASSUME AND NOW WOW YOU ARE READY AND A WONDERFUL MOMMY THAT IS FOR SURE. YOU STICK TO YOU BELIEFS AND KEEP GOD # 1 IN YOUR HEART AND RAISE YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU HAVE WITH HONESTLY STRENGTH AND WISDOM. THEY ALREADY ARE ON TOP BEACUSE YOU ARE THERE MOMMY SO YES LIGHT A MEMORY FEEL AND BE BLESSED AT WHAT YOU HAVE AND GUESS WHAT WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT AND GOD CALLS YOU , YOU WILL MEET AGAIN I BELIEVE IN THAT . SO MAYBE NOT NOW , BUT SOON. ILL BE THINKING OF YOU AND EVERY ONE ELSE, THATS WHY I POSTED A MEMORY HONOR AND SOMETHING FUNNY /SAD , BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE LIGHT THAT IT MAY NOT BE A MISCARRIAGE OR BABY LOSS BUT IT IS SOME ONE ELSE HAVING A BAD DAY!! AND IT SHOULD MAKE YOU THINK GOSH OK THIS IS BAD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT OTHERS ARE HAVING IT BAD TOO. TAKE CARE MY SWEET FRIEND. I'AM NOT SURE OR WHY GOD CALLED ME TO MEET YOU, WE HAVE BEEN ATTENDING THE SAME FUNCTIONS AND NEVER BUMPED IN TO ONE ANOTHER BUT IAM GLAD I SAID HELLO AND WE MEEET YOU ARE A AWESOME CARING FRIEND AND SISTER IAM SO GLAD GOD MADE US MEET. THINKING OF YOU TODAY ... LOVE YA MICHELLE.....
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Thank you so much Misty and thank you for sharing your loss as well. One thing that really touched me when all of this was going on was "I am not alone." There are so many others that hurt like I do right now thru this time of losing a child. Again thanks and as I light my candle I will be thinking of your angel in Heaven that we will meet one day! To God be the Glory..
Sending hugs dear friend.
Thank you so much Misty for shareing. I have (and still do) struggled with this for 10 years now. I have had a tubal pregnancy and several miscarriages. It doesn't get any easier. I have been on every type of fertility drug, changed my diet & excercise & even had a "exploratory" laparoscopy done... with no help. We are still trying... each & every month :-) but I try to be at peace with God's Will for our lives! It don't take the pain away.... but it does make it easier knowing that I am in the Hands of the Lord!
P.S.
I always thought I would introduce my children to Jesus, but now I have 4 waiting to introduce me to Him!
Misty, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my Thoughts and Prayers.
I have miscarried 9 beautiful blessings. I miss them each and every day. Many Blessings, Audrey
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