Friday, November 7, 2008

Week Two Devotional - Sorry I am late!


I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you." 

Isaiah 41:13

Wow, I have never fully read that verse before. I have just always known and read verses here and there about "do not fear." I like this one, because I like that He says He will take my right hand, and help me." Now that is a great feeling.

Did you know that the word "FEAR", shows up in the bible 365 times?  God, really must not want us to fear, for he put it in the bible, one for every day of the year.  Check it out here.


It's okay with God for you to be scared to death.  He recognizes our fears and our insecurities.  I feel like the Spirit of God sometimes says to me, "You know Misty, I understand that you're not very happy about this.  I understand that you may be crying over this.  Cry, shake, whatever---but do My will, child.  Do My will.  I have victory for you." 


Okay, so I truly opened my mouth wide, raise eye brows and lean head down on right palm as I read this.  God is amazing.  He knew exactly the words I needed to read today.  I posted a post yesterday, and before I go further, I just want to first say THANK YOU.  Thank you all so much for either emailing me or leaving a comment with prayers.  It really means a lot to me.  It actually feels nice to know that you have people out there really praying for you.  

As I said in my post yesterday, I am broken.  I have been broken for the last year of my life.  No, actually I have been broken for the last 8 years of my life.  My life hasn't been a easy road since the year I had my son.  It has nothing to with my son, it has everything to do with my choices in life and God tightening up the rope and telling me, I have had enough slack, now it times to limit my own freedom.  When I say freedom, I mean, freedom in choices.  I don't seem to do a very good job sometimes with the choices I make in my own life.  

Just when I thought I was finally getting through the 'storms' of my life, I meet my husband, I get married, have another beautiful baby and start living and planning my life.  Notice how I said "my life." That's the problem right there.  I got to a place where things were finally looking good for me, I was blessed through amazing people in my life who help me get back on my feet.  I was getting stable in my beautiful home.  I was working, and traveling.  I was feeling so confident.  Although, I was appreciative for all my blessings, I have lacked giving God my attention.  Why do I always seem to do that?  Haven't I learned yet that if I can't find a balance in my good times in life for God, that he is going to continue giving me the dark days because that is when he most gets my attention. Now, I also know that there will be dark days no matter what, and I am learning to say to God, "thank you for these days too, how can I learn from it." But, let me tell you the truth, I am not so brave sometimes or so sincere when I say "thank you for these hard times, how can I learn."  

I am broken in my marriage.  It has been a full year since Halloween of last year to be exact, that my marriage really started to struggle.  We go up, we stay steady and then we fall.  We have a very crazy cycle of this that we just can't seem to get ourselves out of.  What's really getting scary, is that our make-ups are coming quicker and faster (a good thing), but our down times are getting darker and meaner (almost too painful).  Without exposing my relationship too much, or going into too many details, I will just be "transparent" here and let my life sort of be an open book and tell you, that I AM AFRAID (uncertainty).  I want to believe where my marriage will end up, but I struggle with my fears and doubts.  This is where this devotional comes in and pulls at my heart strings in big ways.


So even though you may be afraid about many things, don't be afraid to allow God to do His work in you, looking into the deepest part of your heart and releasing freedom in your life, teach you how to live in victory.


I feel just by reading that right there, that I have had a years worth of counseling given to me in one paragraph.  God knows where I am struggling, what I fear in my marriage and what I really need to work on.  So, why do I keep trying to figure it all out on my own? I have many insecurities in my marriage, and I have never been one to be or feel insecure in anyway. So why now, and why in my marriage?  I haven't figured that out yet.  


God wants to remove all your doubts concerning who brings the victory in your life. 


What? Let me go back and read that part again. 

"God wants to remove all MY doubts concerning who brings the victory in MY life?" 

I feel like a load just lifted off of my back and now I can go to sleep and make-up for all those endless nights of getting no sleep (especially these last 4 nights).


In the same way, no amount of determination will bring us freedom.  We learn to be victorious by surrendering our lives completely to the Spirit of God, not by gritting our teeth and try harder.  

Pride can lead to captivity. It becomes an obstacle every believer must face on the freedom trail.  What will you learn from the down fall of others?

We fear making sacrifices. But the irony is that we also make a lot of sacrifices when we are not living the will of God. How many things have we placed on the altar to Satan's kingdom? 

Without Christ, every women has intense insecurities.  Unless we find our identity in Him, we Christian women can be just as prone to insecurities about our appearances as unbelievers.  To Christ, the most beautiful person on earth is the one making preparation to meet the Groom.  


Well, that is like walking into a brick wall and having a brick still fall down on top of your head to give you a double bang to make sure you really heard right and are paying full attention.  

I am not really going to put in my thoughts of discussion here....I think this will be more beneficial (and private) if given this part of the discussion with God.  (For All of Us!)

I made a joke to a friend last night in an email.  I told her that I had slept with another man over the last two nights.  Then I continued to explain---- I have been so down right broken, frighten, hurt, disappointed, sad, uncertain, angry, tired, shaky, hungry, lonely, bitter, frustrated, anxious, nervous, worried, stressed, confused, weak.... I crawled in bed with my bible.  I clutched it right next to me, I kissed it, I laid my cheek on it and I shed tears on it (HIM).  Asking for Him to take the wheel, take control, put His hand over me and give me the peace and the courage I need to get through another night by myself, and lean not on to my own understanding of things going on in my marriage, but to give myself totally and freely to HIM.  ( FYI: My husband has not lived home in 5 months now, my daughter is 6 months and 3 weeks old). 

Please keep me, my family and my husband in your prayers.  I don't want to embarrass him by blogging too much about our personal stuff, but the bible says to not be ashamed.  We could seriously use the prayers.  


I hope this devotional touched you in some way and that it had as much power in its words to you as it did for me.  I feel like I can walk out of my house tomorrow a more free and confident women.  

My friend that I made the joke to about 'sleeping with another man', she sent me some verses to read, and I can't keep them to myself. I want to share them with others that may need to read them tonight also.
Psalm 27:1  "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?"
Psalm 56:3  "The Lord is for me; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?"
Psalm 57:1  “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”
Isaiah 41:10 “…do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
Romans 8:24-26  “In hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”

 Last night I did exactly that, I didn't pray.  I just said "Lord please hear my heart", and I let out a big sigh and fell asleep.  And, I had a really good nights sleep.

By the way totally of the subject, but I forgot to post it yesterday.  Morgan, my butterfly has not awakened in the middle of the night for her 2:00 AM feeding for an entire week now.  I only had to deny her, the 2-AM feeding one time.  How lucky am I?  She is sleeping through the night, she is taking more regular naps now....AND....and my little Butterfly's bottom right tooth did break through the skin.  It's so cute. Just the very tip of it is out, enough that you can see it and feel it's edges.  

Yes, yes...I have taken many pictures of it.  I will try to put them together and post them sometime tomorrow.  Morgan goes to visit her daddy tomorrow, and I have a meeting, a hockey game to attend and some laundry to do. Not to mention my nails that I can't even look at right now.  Want to talk about being ashamed, my nails are embarrassing. 


Dear Father, I want to just take this time to say THANK YOU.  Thank you for the many who have taken the time to actually pray for me, my family and my situation, Lord.  What a great feeling that is, knowing that people really do care and the power of prayer is simply that, POWERFUL!  

Thank you for this new day, a blessed day it was.  Lord, I know you know my fears, my struggles and my insecurities. I pray to you about them, but sometimes I probably don't pray the way I ought to.  Lord, I turn over to you all of those things.  I don't want to live in fear, the bible demands that we not do that.  Lord, I don't want to feel anxious, for you will provide my true needs.  I know this, but I allow my heart and mind to take over sometimes, please help me to stay focused on "your plans" in all of this.  Lord, only you know what the out come will be in my marriage and my future, no matter how hard I continue to manage it myself or the effort I put into it.  YOU are in control. Remind me that I need to let go, and take the "uncertainty" of life and just go down the slide, the slide of Your will, Your plan.  

Tonight, I want to give you all of me, the good the bad, and ask that you remove all of these negative emotions from me.  Let me walk in confidence and in peace, because I am a women of GODS.  You are my God, whom or what shall I fear? Right? I will let my light shine on and on and on..... I believe in You and I believe you can make anything happen. I witnessed I think my first real eye popping miracle when I got to read about little Stellan being born healed and perfectly healthy.  A child that was sentenced to death before his birth by a man call a doctor.  A Lord that can perform that miracle right before our eyes, is also the same God that loves me, loves my family, loves my husband and loves my marriage.  And in return the same Lord, I trust and that I love.

Thank you for your unconditional love.  



12 Personal Thoughts:


wow how powerful, iam so sorry for all of your pain , it seems like you are facing your giants head on, iam sorry that this is happing to you in your marriage, a marriage is of two and not 1 so you are not to blam, and it seems like you try try try and that responce is not =. it was sad to read that you have been apart almost the whole time that morgan has been with us, i give you all my respect not only have you mananged to be a awesome mommy and friend but you are lefted in pain and alone and as a friend i dont respect that , that hurts me that you are hurting and alone, i pray that god ends this misery and that you can put that pitcher together and make it whole and find your happiness again.

marriage is funny some times it works and others it doesnt but don;t put yourself through the pain misty you are such a insperation to so many you can touch someone that is hurting you can make others feel better look at the issue with gabby i was hurt upset and not looking at the whole picture correctly and it was you that helped me. and made me see a different look on that story.

god gives and takes away and somethimes he sees the ugly and sepreates it not to hurt us,
and to not fear us and keep us safe. you are not alone he is and always is with you even when you yell at him he accepts that and still loves you even when you question him and his judgement he loves you he is in your coner even when you think he is not.
he belives in you , he sees you in his eyes you are worthy nothing is too big or small and sometimes he does these lessons to teach us something a general picture that we are not seeing.

instead of crying and feeling like you are defeated read the verses it helps and put god in the center and all things are possable , look and seek and he will seek you with answers. i cant begin to express how sorry iam am that this is going on in your life and hunter live and morgan.may you find your inner peace and be able to lift your head high.

god made you and he made a strong woman that can be what ever she want to do, its you that need to take that gift and show him who you are. peace be with you for a good nite sleeps.

btw go morgan on the sleeping and that tooth umm pictures? and take the day to pamper yourself get thoes nails done and do something for you you deserve it.

and breath . pss iam still laughing over the stolen stroller tht is way to funny,it happened to another blogger ina differnt state as well i was open mouth doumfounded.
hugs michelle

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing so candidly, Misty. Thank you for sharing the devotion on fear... it is sooo true. It really is easy for fear to take hold in our lives and paralize us when uncertain times are ahead. I'll be praying for you and your family. I'll be praying for peace of mind and comfort that only our Father can bring, sweet friend.

Tippa Glover said...

Hi Misty! This devotional has talked to me in more ways than you can imagine. I thank you for that. For God holds the plan for each of our lives and we have to be patient (not a strong point for me) for His time is the best time.

I just prayed for you and hope you feel God's presence. I pray that you will stay strong for you and for your kids.

Have a great weekend!

daniella said...

Sweet girl, that was raw and real. I needed to read that this very morning. This is what really stood out to me:

"Without Christ, every women has intense insecurities. Unless we find our identity in Him, we Christian women can be just as prone to insecurities about our appearances as unbelievers. To Christ, the most beautiful person on earth is the one making preparation to meet the Groom."

I never erally saw it that way, so thank you.

As for Butterfly's lil tooth, I know the feeling. When Charlie got hers I was so happy that I started jumping up and down, squeezing her tight, and calling everyone I know to tell them of my great news. But you know what? I just realized that God is just like that as a parent to us...His little girls. Whenever we finally "get" something that was long awaited, He rejoices and is over the moon for us. We might not realize the big deal (like Morgan) but to Him it's a huge thing. We just know the process of getting "it" (whatever that might be) was painful (like teething) but oh so beneficial and a sign of GROWING and being on he right path.

Vicky said...

Hi Misty,

I am sorry for your heavy and hurting heart. Please know I am saying prayers for you too. Stay strong, stay true to your beautiful self and know we are here to support you no matter what! I believe in you!

Blessings to sweet baby girl and handsome young man as well!

Vicky said...

One more thing Misty. I recently began reading a new blog and would you believe her husband left her just last Monday with 3 kids and she is slowly sharing about it... you can read for yourself here if you like...

She too is spiritual and her blog may speak to you right now as well! You are not alone!

Aspiemom said...

This devotional was very meaningful to me, Misty. Thank you for being transparent and open in asking for prayer. I will pray for you.

We're going through a very rocky time in our marriage, as well, and sometimes it's hard to even pray. Those are good times to know that others are praying for you.

God is using this time to draw us closer to Him. Sometimes when things are going so well we get too self-sufficient and don't spend as much time with Him as we should. Going through times like this are ways that He can help us grow and see our need for Him. When He takes this fear away, we know it's Him because the fear is so great only He can do that.

I was going to email you, but I don't see your email anywhere, so I'll just post this here.

Jennifer said...

heartfelt devotional, Misty...on a day that I needed to hear that message (again). you see, i just heard a similar message from my friend, Lisa - the message about giving "it" to God. So, it was nice to read your devotional - like walking into a brick wall and then getting hit over the head with a brick. Bonk..right on my head - again!
Enjoy your beautiful weekend and your beautiful children.
A friend suggested to me yesterday that I turn my fears into an attitude of gratitude - and change the energy that I too put into fear. So - I share that with you too.
Giving thanks....

Brendon said...

Hi Misty!

Thank you for the may kind words and for your prayers. Yes I believe with all my heart that it is God that has lead me here. (who says God doesn't have a sense of humour hey!!) all I know is that I've been touched, and strengtened by your words at a time when I needed them.

Misty it breaks my heart to hear the pain and sorrow that your going threw at this moment. thought you might like a mans thoughts( no offence ladies!!your comments were AWESOME!!)

I don't know the reason your husband's not at home, whether he walked out on you or not doesn't matter. I'm so sorry... When will we as Men( especially Christain Men) stand up and Be what God has Called us to be!!Today it seems that when things get tough we take the easy way out and bail.We as Christain Men need to Stand Up and Fight! Fight for what and Whom God has intrusted to us.What ever the curcumstances.Why don't we keep our promises to be spiritual leaders, talk to our wives( and Listen)and raise our children!! Yes we all make mistakes do thing we regret.But we are called to forgive and ask for forgiveness. God FORGAVE US Right!!

Ok I got that off my chest!!Lord help me to be that Man.

I will be praying for you as well as your husband(Mark right).Remember Misty God is in control, keep Believing in Him.


Keri said...

I've been faithfully praying for you both........wish I still lived there and could love on you in person!

I laughed, too, at all we had in common with your response to my 7 random things. Gotta love it!

Open your Eyes. said...

You recognise that it is okay to be fearful. You have a beautiful and powerful way of blogging!

Thought are with you and may your fear distance itself for you to become happier =]


Karen said...

Wow. I am not in your same situation, but it is amazing how such powerful words can be so meaningful to others. Thank you for sharing the truth in the midst of it all.

I will absolutely pray for you, your husband, your son, and your daughter.

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