There was no reason for me to really be so cranky yesterday, but as the day went, I found myself growing more and more annoyed at anything and everything.
Does the never ending laundry really set this mood off in me?
Or was it the never ending dirty diapers I had my hands in for the first half of my day?
Was it the fact that my house looks like a daycare center and I am tired of kicking, stepping and picking up toys every time I turn around?
Maybe its the back ache I have all day long from constantly bending over picking up a 22 pound baby, getting her out of this and getting her out of that, and picking up this and picking up that?
Or, could it really be a choice?
The other day I said to Mark, "I feel cranky."
Then he asked why, and I didn't have an answer. I just felt cranky. Although, now looking back on my thoughts during this conversation I think I know why.
However, with my answer being short with "I don't know." He simply responds, "you can choose to not be cranky then."
Oh boy, hasn't he learned yet that sometimes when I a girl is venting, whining or simply just being an emotional moody girl, there are times that you need to choose your words wisely?
Let's just say that those words are not what I cared or wanted to hear from him, and I rolled over, ended the conversation and went to sleep.
I ended up having a horrible, awful, devastating dream that Hunter died. I know, awful, right? Don't ask me why because I couldn't tell you that. Maybe its from all the sad blogs? I don't know.
Anyways, I woke up from that dream with a massive headache because I had been crying so hard in my nightmare at the loss of Hunter, and needing to take deep breaths of air to fill my lungs up with the air they were lacking, as I must have not been breathing that well during my dream cycle, or nightmare should I say.
Not only that, and I have never mentioned this before, but I have a very crooked deviated spectrum. It has been suggested to me by doctors to considered having it surgically straightened up, but I never have 'got around to it.'
What it does for me, or doesn't do I should say. It doesn't allow for me to breath out of both of my nostrils at the same time. If you take a deep breath you get a full amount of air in both nostrils probably. Go ahead try it, you know you want to. If you close one nostril, you can still breath just fine out of the other one, and so on.
I can only fully breath through one nostril at all times. Its not one particular nostril. I think it depends on which way the spectrum lies that determines which nostril will be most opened at that time. I can breath out of both nostrils, but one of them if I closed off the one most opened, then the other one has to breath harder to still only get in a very small amount of air. I would eventually have to breath through my mouth because I wouldn't get enough oxygen in through that one nostril alone.
Is this too much info by they way? Sorry!
Where was I?
Oh, so anyway, I think this could be the cause of my active induced asthma that I had growing up. I don't really have asthma now, but if I run or swim or really active in sports or a gym workout class. I struggle to breath more than most. I get tired fast, which then frustrates me because it makes me look as though I quit and can't keep up, but in truth, I just can't breath.
Although, this post has nothing to do with any of that I just shared. That was random and sort of just came out of no where. I think I may call up the doctor and see about getting this issues corrected. Besides, although this wouldn't be plastic surgery on my nose, I have been accused of having had a nose job before. LOL! Now I may have to get a nose job done after all, on the inside that is.
I really wonder how it would feel to be able to breath fully and equally out of both nostrils ALL the time? I wonder if it would make a difference in how I feel, when I work out and play sports? Maybe, I will be able to sing if I could breath out of both nostrils? Nah, thats just wishful thinking, I know. But it sure would be nice to just be able to get in a full amount of air every time I inhale.
Back to my moody day yesterday.
I was getting so frustrated at having to repeat, repeat, repeat (you get the idea)... repeat, myself to Morgan.
No eating the cat food Morgan.
Give that to mommy.
Morgan, mommy said no.
Morgan, don't pull on the power cord.
Morgan, no biting mommy.
Morgan, gentle with the kitty.
She is still pretty darn cute though!
Then in the middle of my cranky day. I heard Marks words "you can choose to not be cranky."
Could I make this all go away by 'choosing'?
Um, sort of, maybe, well almost.......nope not today, because then something else happens and it just sends me over the edge.
My neighbor stopped by yesterday. I had forgotten to call her back the day before to give her a phone number of my friend. She has a guy she wants to set my friend up with. We had talked before about going on a bike ride together but never had. I had mentioned before she left that we still need to go on a bike ride sometime. She said "how about later today around 5:30 PM?" Of course all smiles putting on that pretend happy face, I say "absolutely." Not a pretend happy face to my neighbor, just that pretend happy face, that I wasn't going to let her know how my day was going so far.
She left and I didn't feel any better.
Then 4 o'clock came around and I knew it was getting time to get Morgan down for a nap, try to get the house cleaned up before Mark got home and get my own self dressed, fed and teeth brushed. I have to be honest, I almost picked up my phone to send her a text message that I wasn't going. I rather sit home and sulk in my moody, cranky pity party instead. But I didn't. Instead, I just pulled myself together and was actually walking out to the garage when my neighbor arrived on her bike.
She says to me "want to go to my daughters house? Its all the way down at the south gate." I am game and said "sure, lets do it."
I'll fast forward.
It was a great bike ride. It was nice to be out side and getting in some fresh air, even if only getting in half the air I should be getting in. The weather was beautiful. Morgan loves her bike rides and the company was wonderful.
We made it to her daughters house and stayed for almost an hour. I met her daughters beautiful family and toured her beautiful home. These are just nice people all around and I was honored to have met them.
We took the bike ride back home as the sun was setting. Half way there baby girl fell asleep. I can't blame her. What a nice soothing ride that is for anyone to enjoy and fall asleep on. I wish I could ride back in her seat and have someone bike me around too.
Got home and called daddy out to get her while I put the bike away, only to have learned that some where along the way she lost one of her brand new shoes I just bought her. Sigh!!!
Daddy gets baby girl out, and of course I am torn between forgetting about it and looking for it another time, then to thinking that I can't leave it out there. It would get ruined by the sprinklers.
So, I of course do as most mothers would, and I hop back on my bike and start heading back in the direction we came from. Let me just say that I am not talking about around the block. This was miles I had just finished on my bike between going there and coming back. So, this meant going miles BACK out to look for a shoe. I am guessing here, and will go out and measure later today in my car. I think its about 3 to 5 miles from A to B. So that would be about 6 to 10 miles from A to B and back to A (once).
I am hoping the shoe fell off closer to the 'back to A' leg of the ride.
And nope.... of course it was lost coming out of her daughters neighborhood. I rode all those miles there and back, in the dark, bugs in my eyes and mouth. Certain other body parts are starting to hurt now because those bikes seats aren't the greatest of things to be sitting on for miles and hours.
I make it home with a shoe in my hand, exhausted, sweaty, sore body parts and hungry.
While laying in bed and before getting ready to fall asleep, it hit me and I say out loud "I just biked miles in the dark, with bugs in my eyes and in my mouth for $6.00.
A six dollar shoe.
Am I crazy?
It isn't like these were the Puma shoes I recently got her that cost x-amount. These were shoes I found randomly shopping at Target the other day for $12.00. I thought they were cute, saw how cheap they were, they fit her, and so I got them.
It goes to show how we as moms will do ANYTHING for our babies, no matter how ruff the day was. No matter how badly on our nerves the kids may be. We will do things for our kids without even thinking about it. It wasn't just A SHOE. It wasn't just a SIX DOLLAR SHOE.
It was MORGAN'S shoe.
Not that she was attached to it or missed it or cared or thought twice about it. Heck, she didn't even tell me she tossed it off.
All I know is that if it be a shoe, a teddy, a blanket...... mom will do whatever it takes to rescue it back.
It reminds me of all the effort my mom went through to find me my one favorite cabbage patch doll for Christmas one year.
Aren't moms wonderful?
Here is baby girl knocked out and the SIX DOLLAR SHOE.
Isn't she worth it?
Aren't all children worth it?
Yes, they are!
And baby girl has her first ever diaper rash. But have no fear.... AIR is here. This is how we attack those pesky diaper rashes around here.