A blog friend of mine Leighann, has been speaking on the topic of submission over the last month.
Today, she wrote Part III on this topic. I wrote a comment on her blog that I felt to share, as it turned out, it was WAY TOO long, that blogger wouldn't post it.
So I felt I would just share it here for others to read also.
Please feel free to check our Leighann's blog post(s) also. In fact I encourage you to.
So many women/wives struggle with this topic, AS I DID TOO.
I hope to help you see things differently, AS I DO, to bring beautiful benefits to your marriage, your family and your own heart and sanity.
It hit me today and felt the need to share.....
I do believe that submission is both for husband and wife. The wives are NOT the only ones submitting here.
Everyone needs something or someone to 'submit' to.
Husbands submit to GOD. Wives submit to husbands, who are already submitting to GOD and then in return YOU are submitting to GOD also.
I think the submission to our husbands, and husbands to God is basically a daily and physical reminders, commandment and practice for us live our lives, treating others and love others as we would be treating and loving Christ if HE were here in person with us.
Its easy to say we would submit to God if he were physically here. That's easy to say because its just words. You don't have to put your actions where your mouth is and where your heart should be.
So God has designed a circle in the life of submission for us to follow and go by, as our practice on how to be more like Christ.
Men...they have to answer and submit directly to God.
Women, we have to trust and respect our husbands enough to then follow them, as if we are following Christ himself.
I was once told by my marriage counselor when my husband and I were having issues. Her words FREED me ever since and has allowed me to be ME again and not this insecure, paranoid, distrusting wife in my marriage.
She said "it is not my role or my responsibility to point out my husbands wrongs. That I shouldn't worry about what he is doing right or wrong. Because if he is doing WRONG.... God will handle him directly."
Going back to what you said in your post, they (husbands) will see their paths are wrong and turn and choose the right path. Maybe not right away, on YOUR TIME....but on GODS time.
Every time I feel the need to tell my husband what I think, or give him a piece of my mind. Or I feel that maybe he isn't being honest or putting me and our family's interest above his own. I tell myself, to trust my husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt....and if he isn't doing the right thing...then GOD will handle it. Freeing me of that stress, that role and those negative feelings.
Its has truly done wonders for me and my marriage.
And, I will say it has gotten easier, and easier to not even "feel' those things as much. I feel more secure than ever in myself and in my marriage.
I don't feel overpowered. I don't feel any less valued. I don't feel second fiddle. I don't feel below my husband.
We are a team.
I like to say this our is our football team.
God is the OWNER of the team. He created the team. (My husband, me, our kids)..
My husband is the HEAD COACH.
I am the ASSISTANT COACH.
The kids are the PLAYERS....
of OUR TEAM.. OUR GODLY TEAM.
You have to make the choice to TRUST YOUR HUSBAND that much.
You have to make the choice to TRUST IN GOD THAT MUCH.
You have to.
If you allow yourself to linger on past mistakes of your husband. Or present things that YOU disagree with. Take it up with GOD the OWNER of the team in prayer, not out on your husband.
If you pray for GOD to change your attitude, your heart and your ways. You will be amazed how much your husband will appear to change just by your renewed attitude and heart alone.
Take it from my personal experience.
I am a very independent women. Stubborn. Likes things MY way.
I have found that if I bite my tongue, that "I" actually get over the issue faster than if I had opened my mouth, caused a fight with my husband, and put more strain on my marriage.
Now, by doing so doesn't mean my husband will become the perfect husband over night. He will not, nor will he ever. But I have seen such a dramatic change in his behavior and heart towards me.
He desires to help me more, love me more and our marriage, our family .... OUR TEAM is benefiting from it all a GREAT, GREAT DEAL.
You as a wife can still voice your opinions in decision making in the home. The hardest thing for me in our marriage and still sometimes is today; is when I would try to voice myself in a loving manner to my husband, and his response or his toned belittled me, or shot me down in away that I felt wasn't loving...but hurtful, mean and judgemental. I hated him. I actually hated my husband.
I used to snap right back and fire my mouth, my hurt, my anger, my hate, my resentment.... everything at him.
Over time, through prayer and discipline, I learned to bite my tongue, take a deep breath and express to my husband how he could have chosen to speak to me differently, instead of the way he just did. I had to show him, as a loving wife (which isn't always easy) how his ways towards me where being hurtful. I stop him, I give him a different example and show him how I want to be treated by the way I am treating him.
At first he refused to listen, because he had too much pride to admit he was being wrong toward me.
However, I started to notice him being more quick to apologize. Not always in words, he still struggles with that sometimes, but with actions.
I have noticed him watching the way he speaks to me, his tone etc. He is a big 6'6" guy. He forgets how loud and aggressive he can come across. I am not a sissy girl, Ill stand right up to his big 6'6" self. *smiling*
I think God knew I would be the girl strong enough to stand up to my husband when needed, and yet gentle and loving enough with prayer and patients to show him and teach him how to love me back.
Its working for us this far.
We have been living back together for a year now. And we haven't had, I think, but one really huge fight in that year. When we used to have them what seemed to be every few weeks to three months cycles.
So girls.... ladies...wives.... just try it out.
Change the word submission to "change of attitude" if you want.
Its all that it comes down to.
Your love, commitment to GOD = your husband....because GOD and our HUSBANDS, it can be hard to understand sometimes HIS or their ways... and it is also hard to love them NO MATTER WHAT.
You choose to love GOD NO MATTER WHAT even if he takes a love one through death out of this world. Now choose to love your husband like that...NO MATTER WHAT, and trust them like that too.
Give your husband support and encouragement. He will be more willing and want to live that leadership role in your marriage and in the home.
If you bring a man down, he will shut off, close his heart and move out emotionally.
Encourage him. Support him. BELIEVE in him. Just as a child to a parent, he will be towards GOD, and you as his wife, and will want to please you, protect you and LOVE you more than you can imagine.
Now, I think I will copy and paste this long comment I just left, and make it my own post so other cans read it as well.
Good luck ladies....
Remember, the most freeing words to tell yourself "don't worry what he is doing wrong or right, let God deal with his behavior if he is doing wrong in anyway."
You are FREE. You will feel FREE.
Then pray for your own heart and attitude to change. Pray for your husbands protection from temptation and sin. Pray for his leadership.
If you haven't read the books:
The Power of a Praying Wife.
The Power of a Praying Parent.