Thursday, February 18, 2010

i want a front porch.

Today I have been thinking. Considering I had absolutely, as in zero, none ... sleep last night, thinking probably wouldn't be the best thing for me.

I took baby girl to the doctor on Monday about her cough. Its this deep (bark) like cough and she has had it for a few weeks now, and its not wanting to get better. The doctor on call Monday so quickly and so laid back tells me he thinks it could be allergies. Sure that makes sense. Allergies run in her family and so does the history of asthma, so its believable.

He says she looks adorable and sounds fantastic. Her lungs sound clear-clear and her ENT look great. "Ill have you give her Zyrtec for two weeks and see if that changes anything" he says. She gives him a high five and $25 dollars we are out the door feeling thankful there isn't anything more to worry about, we can take on a little allergy annoyance.

First two nights I didn't really see any improvment or changes, other than her nose is now starting to run, which I expressed that to the doctor with our last experience with allergy medicine. Its supposed to the do the opposite and dry her up and that would in return hopefully stop the nasal dripping, supposedly causing her to cough to begin with. I assume we need to wait it out a few days and let the allergy stuff get to work.

Well, lets just say that didn't happen. As my baby girl was up all night last night. I am talking about on the hour of every hour, either me rocking her, her fussing and coughing none stop, to me bringing her in my bed, while I sit up against the headboard and try to let her sleep propped up on my chest. Every 15 seconds this annoying deep cough blares in my ears like a fire alarm in the middle of the night. I wanted to cry. I was frustrated and felt helpless for her. I was exhausted and one that must have sleep to function.

I am pretty cautious when it comes to giving me kids meds of any kind and especially cautious when mixing meds. I was afraid to give her anything more since I already have given her the allergy stuff before bed. Finally, around 3:30 AM I felt I had to give her something and I felt that enough hours had gone by that I could be safe with giving her Deslym for her cough. I give it to her and she is able to sleep for two hours, but not totally cough free. We were so tired, that I even allowed Hunter to sleep in an additional hour before waking him up for school.

He had a math test today and I figured I would let him be an hour late to school, in order to get a little more sleep and be ready for his test. So that is what we did.

Today I called up my friend and Morgan's actual doctor to get a second opinion, and instantly on the phone is hears Morgan next to me coughing away. He agreed with me that this didn't sound like an allergy cough, for its too agressive and deep sounding to be. I take her back in to the doctors office, he again confirms though that she is really clear in the lungs and her ENT look fantastic. All praises.

However, he gives me two prescriptions to help knock this stubborn cough out of my little girl.
Hoping tonight is a much better night for sleeping for all of us.

Oh back to my origional thoughts. Bare with me, I am still going with no sleep. I am sitting in my car at Hunters baseball practice typing this.

While driving Morgan down to the Plantation office where our doctor was working today, I had time to think while Morgan was engaged in her Curious George movie in the backseat.

I started to think about how I envision my life one day. I started to think about places I would one day love to live. The kind of people I would love to have around me and the kids my kids could be friends with.

I kept visioning a house with a front porch. We don't have many homes here in South Florida (newer homes anyways) that have front porches built on. You only have a sidewalk that leads to your front door. I realize that it fits our culture these days here. Its hard to find any neighbors to be social with or lets kids run back and forth to each others homes to play. In fact there are no kids in my direct neighborhood that Hunter plays with. We will be outside by ourselves playing street hockey or hoops, or we have to drive to another neighborhood to meet with some friends to play.

I remember growing up with not much money, no fancy homes, but everyone had a front porch. And on those front porches you see the adults hanging out, while all the kids run around playing or riding bikes. It was always active and there was always someone there to hang out with you.

I find it sad that I don't have a front porch here. I don't have a place to sit and welcome my neighbors and their kids. My kids aren't growing up with the experience of backyards, neighborhood buddies and those kinds of memories that I look back on and smile upon.

I want a front porch.

I want a house in a friendly family filled neighborhood. I want to have BBQ's, playdates, bored Saturday nights gathering, chats, conversations, celebrations, tears and memories on my front porch.

Do you have a front porch?

How is your neighborhood? Is it full of life and kids running to each other homes? Is it with warm and welcoming neighbors? I can barely tell you the name of 3 of my neighbors. I do not know my neighbors directly to the left, right or in front of me either. I have seen them before. I have waved and said hi, but that's as far as it goes. Everyone is busy with their own lives, agendas and families.

But this life is about sharing all of that.

Sometimes I wonder if that takes it toll on families these days? Would that play any role in marriages and homes breaking apart, because they become so isolated with just themselves. No other families to casually be social with at any given moment. Instead, you have to plan it out and hope that it doesn't get postponed or canceled due to one of the kids being sick or having a sports event to attend.

You don't have anyone to call up and say "please give me an hour and take your kids for you" or you do the same. You don't have kids anxiously waiting to knock on your door after dinner so they can play with your kids. No one to say "hey walk down and come eat tacos with us tonight." All the things I remember growing up and enjoyed.

We always had friends and people to share life with. Our door was always opened, not always having it locked and curtains down so no one can see inside your home. Heck, even if your dog was missing, all you had to do is call down the street and know that your dog was getting a belly rub by the kids down the block, and he'd come running back at the sound of your whistle.

I find myself so lonely sometimes, it hurts.

I had a dream. A vision. An idea of what I wanted in my family life of my own. And I just find myself feeling so stuck sometimes, and constantly left to day dream of having my very own front porch.

Life is so different here in this part of Florida. Maybe one day Ill find a little happy place out here and I can give my kids a little bit of their own front porch to take with them and share with their own kids. Until then, Ill just enjoy the view within.

Speaking of front porches.... let me bring you a little country too. I love this song.

The only ground I ever owned was sticking to my shoes
Now I look at my front porch and this panoramic view
I can sit and watch the fields fill up
With rays of glowing sun
Or watch the moon lay on the fences
Like that's where it was hung
My blessings are in front of me
It's not about the land
I'll never beat the view
From my front porch looking in

There's a carrot top who can barely walk
With a sippy cup of milk
A little blue eyed blonde with shoes on wrong
'Cause she likes to dress herself
And the most beautiful girl holding both of them
And the view I love the most
Is my front porch looking in, yeah

I've traveled here and everywhere
Following my job
I've seen the paintings from the air
Brushed by the hand of God
The mountains and the canyons reach from sea to shining sea
But I can't wait to get back home
To the one he made for me
It's anywhere I'll ever go and everywhere I've been
Nothing takes my breath away
Like my front porch looking in

There's a carrot top who can barely walk
With a sippy cup of milk
A little blue eyed blonde with shoes on wrong
'Cause she likes to dress herself
And the most beautiful girl holding both of them
Yeah the view I love the most
Is my front porch looking in

I see what beautiful is about
When I'm looking in
Not when I'm looking out

There's a carrot top who can barely walk
With a sippy cup of milk
A little blue eyed blonde with shoes on wrong
'Cause she likes to dress herself
And the most beautiful girl holding both of them
Yeah the view I love the most

Oh, the view I love the most
Is my front porch looking in
Oh, there's a carrot top who can barely walk
(From my front porch looking in)
A little blue eyed blonde with shoes on wrong, yeah
And the most beautiful girl
(Beautiful girl
From my front porch looking in)
Holding both of them
Oh, yeah

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