b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

Mirror....Mirror... On The Wall.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror. James 1:23

This is how I want to feel to those that mean the most to me.

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

This is how I feel when I stand up against the world.

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

But this is what I feel when I remember the one who created me, and has written out my life and its purpose, before I took my first breath.

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

(Lyrics By: Bethany Dillon)

Do you feel beautiful today?

I do.

But not all the time.

I would probably say, not a lot of the time.

Why?

Because when you are going through such hurting times, or you feel so uncertain, confused and even lost in your ways, or the direction you should be going. Its hard to feel safe, or right and at peace. Instead, you feel lonely, unloved, insecure and unattractive.

A young reader sent me this scripture the other night and it hit home with me. I thought I would share it with you all.

God said "But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are things I'll be doing for them- Sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute" Isaiah 42:16 MSG.

Tonight, I sit in my home alone. In a quiet house. The only sound I hear is the clicking of my keyboard and the dead ringing of silence in my ear when I pause. Well, and that strange knocking sound my refrigerator just made. Sheesh... I am trying to have moment here and satan uses the refrigerator to distract me.

And here! (you will know what I mean by that by the end of this post!)

Too often I feel so unloved. Too often I feel so unattractive. And when I start to feel that way and ask myself "why am I feeling this way?" I am quickly reminded who it is that am putting myself up against. The world? People that don't love me as much as I wished they did?

But when I turn to the right person.... the one that calls me "mine".... at that moment I get a glimpse of the beauty I know that HE sees in me.

And I feel beautiful. And loved.

Tonight, I want to say a prayer for anyone that isn't feeling so beautiful today, or that loved. I want to remind you (and myself) that we are loved. We are beautiful. Look in GOD's mirror, not the worlds. Look to His word and obey it and trust it. Don't fall into the insecurity traps that satan sets up all around us.

Have you ever watched the movie "Over the Hedge?"

In brief its about wild animals that meet the suburban life... and at one point the humans set up traps to catch and kill the wild life entering their yard. As the wild life make out their plans to invade, they show a map were all the human traps are set up all around the outside of the home.... and basically there was a trap...

here.

here.

here.

here.

here.

here.

here.

and here.

here.

here.

here.

here.

here.

and here and here and here and here....

AND HERE!

In every direction you turn.

Satan has set up so many traps all around us, just waiting for us to hit one and fall. Fall flat on our face. To feel alone. To feel unsafe. To feel abandoned. To feel unloved. And ugly.

And again God said:

"But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are things I'll be doing for them- Sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute" Isaiah 42:16 MSG.

No such thing

as perfect people.

I owe everyone an apology. As I said in my last post, I have never fasted before. Ever. With having never fasted before, I also didn't know that when you do choose to fast, you are not supposed to tell others, or share it or 'boast' about it.

I wasn't boasting about it on my blog. My heart is not of that nature. I was simply giving everyone the explanation why I wouldn't be on my blog, Facebook or Twitter, so when you didn't receive a reply from me, you knew it was because I was away.

I apologize for not knowing the scripture more on this, but now I do and I have learned.

Thank you all for the prayers, emails, comments and support. Sometimes you can feel so alone in this world, right? Thank God for not letting us actually BE alone in this world.

I am back, and boy did I have an interesting week. I am pretty tired today, as I had a pretty rough night last night.

I continue to need your prayers. I really do.

I'll share when the time is right, but don't worry, GOD knows exactly what I am dealing with. He knows my hurts, my fears and my hearts plea.

I do need a miracle.

God may have decided to close that door for me, and that's okay. I am still blessed and I still believe with all my heart and soul that He has GREATER things ahead for me. I have to keep my head up and my strength up for that.

This morning I ended up over sleeping an hour and my son was late to school. Although, he didn't seem to mind. I was that exhausted after my day and evening yesterday. I woke up this morning feeling like I have been hit with a ton of bricks, and the bricks are all just sticking to me like this huge massive weight as I walk around. Ugh.

But this morning while making up the beds I heard this song come on 'Perfect People' and it caught my ear and I know God was saying hello to me and reminding me that 'there are no such thing as perfect people" and that I am free from trying to find away to be perfect. I am free of trying to be the perfect wife. I will never be. I am free from trying to be the perfect mother. I will never be. I am free from being the perfect women. I will never be.

But I am "fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalms 139:14

Never let them see you when you're breaking

And never let them see you when you fall

That's how we live

And that's how we try

Tell the world you've got it all together

And never let them see what's underneath

We cover it up with a crooked smile

But it only lasts for a little while

There's no such thing as perfect people

There's no such thing as a perfect life

So come as you are, broken and scarred

Lift up your heart and be amazed

And be changed by a perfect God, yeah

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted

When you hear the words that you are loved

He knows where you are and where you've been

And you never have to go there again, no

There's no such thing as perfect people

And there's no such thing as a perfect life

So come as you are, broken and scarred

Lift up your heart and be amazed

And be changed by a perfect God

Who lived and died to give new life

To heal our imperfections

So look up and see love

And let grace be enough, oh

There's no such thing as perfect people, yeah

There's no such thing as a perfect life

So come as you are, broken and scarred

Lift up your heart and be amazed

And be changed by a perfect God

By a perfect God, yeah

By a perfect God, yeah

By a perfect God

By a perfect God

Be changed by a perfect God

Be changed

You know how often in life when it rains..... it POURS!

Well our trip to Disney was no exception.

This gives you a little idea of what my trip to Disney World was like with the kids. I'll post more pics and more upbeat post here soon. I haven't fully gone off the deep end. I am trying to keep my spirits focused on God and the bigger picture, although right now, in the midst of the storms.... I feel like I could die. And a part of me has.

Greater Things.

As things are continuing to change in my life, I see Greater Things ahead of me. Through all the heartache, the doubts, the questions, the whys.... I still praise and give thanks. I still see visions of greater things that God has planned in my life.

When I feel like everything just seems so messed up and so confusing, maybe even wrong... I stop and I trust in Him, and then I see GREATER THINGS.

Tonight my church has put a challenge out for us to fast this week for seven days. I have never fasted in my entire life. I know some people fast a day, some fast for a few days and some have even fasted for longer. Our challenge is seven days. It can be a 'modern' fasting I guess as a way to look at it. We have options to choose from in our form of fasting. It has to be something that really consumes a lot of our time, thoughts and energy (TV, cell phones, food, sweets, social networks, etc.) that would really provide you a challenge to commit to for seven days. This way, every time you are tempted to break your fasting and do whatever it is you gave up for the week, you will be reminded to stop and pray. The old traditional way of fasting, which also was an option to choose from, is going with out food. This way when your stomach growls of hunger you would stop and pray through that hunger pain. You didn't have to fast for the entire seven days without food, but you had choices of giving up certain foods items or number of meals for the day. I personally can't do that for seven days, with my metabolism, current body weight and the stress I am currently under, it would not be healthy for me to do that. Instead, I have chosen to fast on social network sites (blogs, twitter and facebook).

For me that will be (as silly as this sounds) pretty hard. Being alone most of my days other than with the kids, these social network sites are my adult play and interaction into the real world when home all day alone. I realize I visit them many times a day and for that, I realize that would be a huge portion of my day to give in prayer.

All the other fasting options I really don't give much time to as is, so for me to fast on those items, it wouldn't really open more time for prayer during my day (sweets, TV watching, eating meats, etc.) Out of the list, social network sites, I realize, would be the most tempting for me. Therefor, would be the one thing that would give me more reminders and discipline to stop and pray throughout the days.

So here I go.

Thankfully its spring break this week for Hunter and so Ill have both kids home with me to keep me from feeling isolated, lonely and becoming depressed. HA! Then I come back in a week crazy and ready for a different kind of fasting... LOL.

With that, I would like to end by saying a prayer for all of you and ask that you say a prayer for me, and I will be back in a week.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I want to take this time to give thanks in this new day. Thank you for the loving people you have placed in my life to protect me, love me, support me and encourage me. Lord, thank you for the difficult people you place in my path to challenge me to love only the way you could love, even when someone is unloveable. Thank you for my two beautiful children and their unconditional love for me. I am blessed.

Lord, I want to take this weeks fasting challenge to heart. I want to challenge myself to pray without so many distractions in my way. As I start this week with this challenge, I would like to start tonight by praying for my social networking friends, real life friends and family. Even the friends I have never met in person, but have come to appreciate and care for through blogs, Facebook and Twitter. I pray that their week is filled with blessings and joy. I pray for those that are struggling. I pray for those that are hurting, sick and even lost. I just want to say thank you for these friends that through these social networks have become a part of my life. I hope to meet them face to face one day and give them all a real Jesus kind of love - hug. Thank you for my church, Lord, and all the things you are doing with it.

Lord, although I am journeying through some difficult choices and times in my life right now, I thank you for the strength, the peace and the support you have placed in my life. I know this kind of strength and peace could only come from You, Lord. Please forgive me of my sins, and where I fail you and fail those you place in my life to love and protect. Please help me to be quick to listen and slow to anger with those that I feel hurt me. Let me love them like You love them, no matter what. Please provide me with the right amount of patients with my children this week. Let not my personal stresses to be taken out on them. Lord, place people in my path daily and show me how I can be, and allow me to be a blessing in their lives.

Lord, use me. I give You all that I am. I open up all my secrets, my hurts, my issues and my heart. I lay it all out to you Lord, as you know them anyways. I ask that you take all the good and all the bad in my life and use it to Glorify you and to full fill the purpose you have in my life. I want to leave this world known as a God fearing women, with a legacy with your name all over it. Lord, with saying those words, even writing them for the public to read. I ask that you give me the extra courage I need to get up and out of my comfort zone and step out and start being courageous and serving You, by serving others. Let me get out of "Misty's" selfish world, and let me serve and focus on others in need. Lord, I don't know what plans you have for me or where I will end up. I ask that you circumcise my ears and my heart, so I can hear you speak to me, and put my hands and feet into action. Where do I start?

Please remove all my fears and all the intimidations that hold me back, if this is the direction you want me to go. I want to go on missionary trips, Lord, and provide my hands and heart to the poor. I want to work with sick children. I want to encourage girls and mothers. There is so much I know I can do, but I always make excuses to hold myself back. Please remove all my fears and insecurities so I can show up and serve YOU. I want to be broken and exposed to life outside of my little world that I feel is so rough right now. Use me Lord. Use me for Greater Things... in Your name.

Amen.

I pray that you all have a blessed week....... and I'll be back in a week. Maybe.

Just kidding... I'll be back.

In the meantime, I am really behind on uploading pictures on my camera. Ill have plenty when I return of the kids so tonight I'll leave you with these two handsome men to admire. The first two men in my life once I left the nest. These boys are going on 14 years old (human years). They are my little sweet old men now.

Shilo

Milo

remembering Cora Paige - Birthday.

A year ago I posted this article on my blog.

I want to take a minute out of my day that is crazy and hectic, that I want to run away from it. I want to stop and again be forever thankful and grateful. As this family (as well as many families out there) who are celebrating a birthday of their little girl that is no longer with them here on earth. She would have been two-years-old today.

My heart aches just as it did a year ago today for this family. Its so close to home, as my little girl will be two (God willing) in April. Cora and Morgan also share the same middle name 'Paige'. I get to see my little girl who has been sick all week sleeping in her crib today. While this family, alone with their newest addition, little Levi (Cora's baby brother) try to find the strength to get through another day without their little sunshine.

Happy Birthday Cora Paige.

You can visit The Macs here and leave a little comment of love and support. Their little one is not forgotten.

Cora Paige

knock-knock....who's there?

Its ME, Misty.... did you think I went away for good?

Where to begin?

I have things I want and wish to write every day. I tell myself I will do it later, or Ill do it tonight. By the end of my days lately I have been so overwhelmed with exhaustion that I can barely tidy up the house before I go to bed. My head is so full of noise, thoughts and emotions, its so hard to just stop and have a moment of silence.

I am here though.

I have traveled the last week. I went to Vermont for another three day photo shoot with PajamaGram. I am thankful the for job, the amazing clients, hair/makeup and photographer friends I have made out there. It was freezing cold and snowing tons the first day I got there. The week was filled with long days (8-9 hours straight of standing and posing) and quiet reading time in my hotel. Not that glamours to say the least, but still very humbled and thankful. One night I was able to get out with a couple of friends and watch 'Dear John.' It was cute, but it was not the Notebook and it was much more a high school, young love kind of movie. Both actors are very attractive so that helped. HA!

Here is the Valentines catalog cover. Gotta love those um, extensions!!! Sheesh! I went from this cover, to the 'mama' look for the Mother's Day catalog. That's the next one I'll be in.

By the way, have you all heard of all the rave about PajamaJeans? I mean seriously, it has exploded and they are selling out so fast they can't keep up. They are coming up with all new designs and styles for these hot new items. You really must check them out!!! Here is a little sneak peak of the Mother's Day Catalog PajamaJean shot I did.

This week my little girl has been running high fevers every day. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook you already know that. I took her to the doctor yesterday, but since she just finished two antibiotics for this pesty cough, they didn't want to place her right back on another one. So here we are keeping her fever monitored and waiting it out a few more days to see if she is able to fight it off on her on before going back to the doctors.

This week also brings some refreshing changes, as hockey season just ended and baseball for my big man begins. Tonight he had his first scrimmage and he was the starting pitcher. Although, I missed the game being home with baby girl, his dad kept me up to date. Hunter had a rough first game with his pitching, but made some grate plays in the field. I told his dad he was nine, its freezing out and to cut him some slack. LOL!

Speaking of COLD... I am over it. That's all I wanted to say about that.

There is so many things I want to write about. So many things I want to do. Why does it have to be so hard to just 'get moving' on any one of the many things on your list?

Oh got a question for all of you....

This is random and out of the blue, but tonight while out getting groceries I began to wonder what other families spend on groceries? What is the average amount you spend a week on groceries? How do you do your grocery budget?

Do you shop once a week?

Shop as you need?

Run to grocery story a few times a week?

Do you even have a budget for grocery spending?

I am curious to know, because I feel like I spend so much on groceries. Am I? Or is what I am spending pretty normal as other families with kids?

Well, its about 11:00 PM and I don't like to stay up past 10:00 PM if I can help it. I'm hoping Ill be able to post more here and get back into the groove. I have things to update everyone on anyways. Spring break begins tomorrow, so I am really looking forward to just doing fun things with the kids, IMAX and Disney.

For now.....

I am going to go and read the very last chapter of my book "So Long Insecurities, You Have Been A Bad Friend to Us" by Beth Moore.

I can't remember the last time I started and actually finished a book. I have really enjoyed reading this book and can't wait to share more about it. But... I must finish it first myself.