Saturday, January 31, 2009

Funny Story Time - Laughter Lives etc.

Not sure the rules on that Laughter Lives carnival, but my friend Danielle shared a couple of funny stories, including one about a spray tan experience she had.  It had me laughing out loud, that Mark had to ask me what was so funny.  I read him the story and he also get a giggle from it.  He has never had a spray tan before, so he didn't get just how funny Danielle's story was and why I was really cracking up.  Especially, the "tinkle" part of it.  

She reminded me of a similar story that happened to me while I was VERY pregnant.  For some of those that haven't followed my blog that far back.  I had a VERY hard and sick pregnancy the entire term of my pregnancy.  I was in and out of the E.R., I had vertigo from puking so much and hard. I lost weight, instead of gaining it my first few months because I was so sick. I have home nurses coming to my house, walking around with an IV pole, having stuff constantly fuel me to keep me from throwing up.  It was just awful.  AWFUL!!!

Being a model, comes with it's benefits when pregnant also, because you can shoot maternity stuff.  I booked the cover of Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine, plus a 6 page spread that hit the stand May 2008, exactly one month after I had Morgan.  I was told for this spread I would be modeling maternity swimwear.  Wanting to look presentable and tan for the shoot I got the okay from the doctor to go and have the spay tan put on me.  I always use spray tan for my shoots, and I love them.  

The day arrived, it had been an okay week for pregnancy, for I had only thrown up 4 of the 7 days or something like that.  I get up and I seem to be doing okay. I head over to get my spray tan put on.  My spray tan is actually called "air brushing" tan.  The difference?  Airbrushing, you stand there and have a person spray your entire body, spray tan is a booth that you stand in and it just sprays all over at once.  I am not a big fan of them.  

When I get my airbrush tan, I typically wear a thong of sorts.  I am not allowed to have tan lines because of modeling, so I go in with as little as possible on.  This day was no different, except I stand there 7.5 months pregnant.  She begins spraying me and the spray is a chilled temp. It sort of takes you by surprise the first time it hits you.  As she is spraying I am starting to feel dizzy.  Dizzy enough I ask her to stop for a minute to let me catch my barrings. I realize that I am getting dizzier by the second and need to now sit down.  So she places a towel over the chair because I just had my first layer of spray put on and it was still wet and sticky.  She goes and brings me some juice and applesauce to take in.  I do and I wait about 5 minutes and we begin round two.  Right away I start feeling dizzy again and I decide I can't finish and I want to go home.  

This is not good.  I now do not have a full spray on and I didn't have time to let mine dry, so I am sticking to my clothes, to the seat of my car and trying to drive home.  The next thing I know is that I start to REALLY feel sick now (my usual morning during this pregnancy, but usually hits the moment I get out of bed). I have to pull over and get out of my car and start puking on the side of the road. As if that wasn't glamorous enough, when I puked during my pregnancy, I also peed my pants every single time.  Ugh, I told you it was awful.  So, here I am, 7 months pregnant, a fresh one-layer airbrush tan on, on the side of the road puking and now fully and totally peeing may pants.  I also begin to cry because ..... well who wouldn't be by now in my shoes.  Not one person stops to help me.  Not one!!! What's wrong with you people?

I finally get myself together, grab some baby wipes from my car and wipe my hands and mouth off.  I get in my car, sitting on my very soaked peed on pants and finish driving home.  I get home and at this point I am so mad.  I look in the mirror while taking my clothes off of me, to see that I now have white streaks down my face from my tears, a white ring around my mouth from puking and wiping it off with the wipe.  I have white spots all over my feet from the rebound of puke splashing to the ground and I have streaks down my legs from peeing on myself.  I just hopped in the shower and sat down and cried myself a huge pity party. Swearing to never, ever, ever put myself through this again.  

Yea, it all sounds funny and all now, but man was it a horrible experience.  Imagine this very pregnant girl, with a spray tan, puking and peeing on the side of the road, now looking like a human zebra with streaks down my face and legs.  Not cool! 

Oh the things we go through in life!  

7 Personal Thoughts:

daniella said...

Yeah, pretty funny now, but boy that did not sound fun at all. So, how were you able to wash the tanning off? Did you soak in a bath full of lemons. Too funny.

I don't think there is one pregnant woman out there who hasn't pee'd herself at least ONCE during the pregnancy. I know I did it once when I was 7 months, at the mall. I sneezed. Josh was a good sport and bought me another pair of pants :-)

Courtney and the Boys said...

Thank God for Photoshop, huh? ha!

Oh my gosh, Misty...what a horrible experience! I, too, was terribly sick with Ellis and was on nausea meds everyday for the first 18 weeks. There wasn't a day I didn't feel nauseated or throw up. And yep, I peed myself, too. Every single time. And I ended up in tears each time, too. I definitely was not one of those girls who had "easy pregnancies." But look how God rewarded us, my friend. Wouldn't change it for the world.

I love your honesty in your writing...makes me feel so normal! :)


Aspiemom said...

You poor thing! With me it's coughing and peeing, but I've never had a sprayed on tan and the streak look going on, too! That's too funny!

The Golf Widow said...

That's really a terrible story,but so funny.I hate the noone stopped to help. Although, peeing your pants with strangers would not be much comfort anyway.

Jennifer said...

You poor thing. I can't imagine going through that. Can you say, Bad Day?! I can't believe noone stopped. The nerve?!!

Morgan was worth it tho. She's such a cutie pie.

Courtney and the Boys said...

Hey....I have to tell you that my 4-year-old son is now obsessed with Bakugan! I totally remember reading your post forever ago about the rules and how you played with Hunter, so I had to go back and look it up! This game can be so confusing, but it is fun! :)


Kim said...

That is so funny, now I mean. It probably wasn't so at the time. It's okay, though, when I was pregnant with my oldest, we were watching Caddyshack with another couple and I laughed so hard I farted. They called me Mama Toot Toot for awhile.

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