making it official

Today, I am heading down to the hospital to go through the process and course of getting my hospital badge, to make me officially the first certified volunteer photographer in Fort Lauderdale for terminally ill children (that I know of, and the hospital knows of anyways!).

Again, its a bittersweet feeling.  Sweet feeling, because I am going to make a difference in the lives of many, while bitter, making a difference in their lives through the deepest, darkest and most heartbreaking times of their lives.  

I want ALL children to feel loved, wanted and special, because in God's eyes, and my eyes, THEY ARE just that.  SPECIAL.

Sad news, but was to be expected.  

Remember this post, when I posted the foot and hand of two different babies, and two different broken hearts? 

Baby boy took his last breath late evening, Saturday night.  He was comforted and held by his nurse, and was not alone.  Although, his parents never came back to see him or say good-bye, they did before leaving him, made arrangements for him after his death.  

Although, for reason we will never understand, this little boy still had a purpose and served it in full.  He didn't live a second longer or shorter, than his creator intended for him to live. I truly with all my heart, believe that.  

He was loved and he was special, even with a broken heart.  

I do not know the circumstances of his family, or why they chose to leave him behind.  I will not judge.  This will not be a part of my job when I photograph these children.  What I will do, is I will pray for this family, as I would any family that has lost a child.  I will assume this family is heartbroken and grieved stricken, and I will pray for God to comfort them.  

I want to ask you to do the same.  Please pray for this family for the lost of their little boy.  Although, I call him Baby Boy here in my blog to keep him and his family protected and respected, he had a name and I know it.  His family knows it.  The hospital knows it.  GOD KNOWS IT. 

HE HAS A NAME! 

See you soon,  little little angel.  

Update on Baby Girl #3 - A little girl that is sick and dying with an aggressive cancer, at a young age of only 22 months old, that I was to photograph Tuesday as I mentioned before.  As things would have it, it did not happen.  Over the weekend while out photographing my children at the carnival, my camera took a hard fall to the ground, on cement, and broke.  I am taking it to be repaired today.  I was in tears over this.  Thankfully, as satan would try to stop good from happening, God opened another door for me, with a lot of rain and the ability to purchase an upgrade of my camera.  

The rain, allowed some relief to me having to cancel on this family.  I felt that they had already been disappointed so much here, that having me cancel on them was not what I wanted to do.  It being so dark and ugly out, she was okay with rescheduling for next week, just in time for my new camera to arrive, and hoping baby girl continues to remain so strong.

That is not the reason I am mentioning this little girl though.  I wanted to give you an update on the shoot, that it has been rescheduled.  At the same time, I want to ask that you please, please, please remember this little girl and her family in your prayers.  

Imagine the fear, the pain and the sadness they must feel as they wake up to their little girl or lay her down for bed each night, at only 22 months old, just shy of 2 years old.  Not knowing if this will be their last day or night with her.  She is doing okay now, she is still mobile like any 22 month old would be, but with this type of aggressive cancer, it can hit nerves and part of the brain and body any moment, and she will no longer be their little happy mobile baby girl.  

They don't even have a time frame of how much time they have left with her.  Can you imagine that?  I can hear in the mothers voice, the hurt of a mother's heart being ripped away with every moment and thought of the near approaching loss of her baby girl.  

Please pray for this family.  

And please keep me in your prayers.  

The hospital requires that I have a debriefing session, after each photography session I have with a child.  They are looking out for their members, and taking me in and guiding me as the baby sister being welcomed into their family here at the hospital.  So far, I am doing okay, and I welcome the debriefing.  I knew this was going to be hard going into it, and I pray every day that as God leads me to this, that he protects my emotions and my heart, so that I can have a healthy experience with this, and not have it cause stress or hardship in my own life and home.  

He is protecting me very much right now, I feel it.  

As the sad thoughts try to creep into my head at random moments throughout the days.  God comforts them with wonderful thoughts and I give praise for His mercy, grace and love in my life.  

I almost feel like I am walking on a high.... I truly feel that I am walking according to God's plan in all of this and I have a sense of peace and comfort through it all.  That is a great feeling.

God Bless.