Thursday, June 18, 2009

sour mood and a smiling dragonfly

I haven't wanted to post lately because in truth, I am just tired.  If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you know what I am referring to.  Those of you that do not, let me explain.  

My 14 month old Butterfly, is either having nightmares, growing pains or teething in her big daddy teeth.  She has been waking up many (MANY) times during the night screaming, since last Friday.  She had a little bit of a runny nose so I gave her Tylenol and that helped for a couple of nights, but that's it.  

Last night, was the hardest night yet.  I was up, and up, and up, so many times.  I just wanted to scream and cry.  I am one that doesn't do well without sleep and or with many interrupted periods in my sleep. I need my sleep. 

I was so tired last night, that after rocking and rocking and rocking Butterfly,  I fell asleep in the rocking chair with her in my arms.  She on the other hand was fighting so hard to not shut her eyes that with any little sound, move, clearing of the throat or swallow, she heard it.  She would open her eyes to let you know "don't even think about it, mommy" kind of look.  If she were in pain, you would think she would still fuss while I held her, but she doesn't. She just lays there wanting to be held.  I even broke the night feeding rule and gave her another bottle last night.  It didn't do the trick either.  

Finally around almost 4:00 AM, I get her down and I slept out on the couch.  Once I heard hubby up getting ready for work, I stumbled off to my bed to crash.  But of course, she hears anything and everything.  She is such a light sleeper.... because we have the 'white noise' machine in every room, and this girl still hears everything.  She hears daddy moving around and then I hear that awful sound, like the worst alarm clock on the planet, a screaming Butterfly on the baby monitor. I cringe, I roll over, I turn the volume down wear I can barely hear her.  Hoping and praying she would just lay back down and go to sleep.  

Not happening.  

We are up, I am exhausted and VERY irritable at this point.  This is when you do not want to ask me something or try to talk to me.  I am mean. A big cranky bear.  The demon in me comes to surface. I can't control her.  

Then to top that off, I get a call from my agent before the office even opens, that a client that I have worked with in the past, and recently ran into at a jazz lounge a few weeks ago, wants to book me for a job down in the keys tomorrow.  Not only are they going to pay a modeling fee, they offered me and my family a couple nights stay at The Cheeca Lodge & Spa. I have been there before and I love it there.  They are renovating the place, and said we could come and stay once it opened back up.  I quickly told my agent "sold" without taking a moment to think it through. Anytime we can get a free room and board like that, I am game.  

I then start calling and scrambling around to search for a young teen that was out for the summer that could travel down to the keys with me to help watch Morgan during my shoot time.  I find one.  I was told that I would have to drive up tonight for tomorrows shoot.  I of course am on it, tired and all.  Totally talking to myself, "okay so get Morgan down at this time for a nap, Ill sleep during that time also, Ill need to pack this and this and that. Try to get on the road by this hour and be down there by that hour." etc. 

As I am doing all of this, I am waiting to hear from my agent for the details.  Finally, 11:00 AM rolls around and I get the "text."  Yes, my agent and I text.  She tells me that the client didn't want short hair, and has changed her mind now and is booking another girl.  WHAT???

My hair was only maybe three (3) inches, AT MOST, longer when she ran into me a couple weeks ago. It was the first layer cut I had just gotten and posted on my blog.  If she wanted long hair to begin with, what was she thinking to want to book me in the first place?  My hair wasn't long when I saw her a few weeks ago.  Needless to say, the client thinks my hair is MUCH shorter than she "recalled" and wants someone with longer hair for the job.  

Um, yea.  I am totally ticked.  Makes me want to march out and go by those clip on extensions I recently mentioned there other day on here, so I can pop them in and say "here you go, LONG HAIR!!!"  Magic!! 


A sour mood is exactly what I have been put in by the lack of sleep, a lost booking and a free stay at this beautiful place with my family.   

And didn't I mention all of this to you when I asked for your votes on the short hair?  My agent warned me.  Clients for whatever reason like Misty Rice with the longer hair.  Why? Because I am stereotyped as the "sexy blond girl".  There aren't many blonds out here, so I work well when it comes to booking the blond jobs.  But there are a couple of blonds that rock short hair and seem to work just fine.  But then again, its because that is "their" role, the short hair blond.  I am known as Misty Rice, the LONG hair blond. Sigh.

Whatever, it's part of the business, and I say their loss...but inside I am banging my head on the table saying "who am I kidding, its totally MY loss here." I lost x-amount of dollars that my family could use, and I lost a free weekend stay with my family in the Keys at a really hot location. Its my loss, all over HAIR! 


Baby girl in the mix of it all is screaming and fussing the whole time, so I simply pick her up and say to her "we need a breather girl" lets go outside.  I take her out and let her crawl and walk around in the back yard. She loves being outside and loves looking at the decoy geese in the lake, while points and says "duck".  Too cute.  Oh and she is starting to say things with two syllables now, like 'mommy' and 'baby'.  I love it.   

As she is crawling around and pointing at the birds. I sit on the chase and try to feel the warmth of the weather.  When all of the sudden I see a beautiful dragonfly.  I love dragonflies.  They are such unique and beautiful insects. 

The little guy is sitting perched up on a branch and I swear (although, I shouldn't) it was looking right at me, tilting its head and appeared to be smiling.  I spoke to it for a few seconds and asked if I could grab my camera and take it's picture.  As I get up and walk slowly away to not scare it,  I go and grab my camera.  I thought for sure I would come back and it would be gone, but it was still sitting there.

I start taking its picture, but I didn't have my telephoto lens on, just my 55mm, so I really had to get up close.  I slowly get closer and closer, and I am telling you, this dragonfly was looking right at me.  It was tilting it's head and just totally content with me taking its picture, with this huge black camera right up its in face.  It was awesome.  

I suddenly found myself relaxed, smiling and over the fact that I only got 3 hours of sleep and lost a booking at the moment.  I was so intrigued by the dragonfly and excited with the pictures I got, and how cool it looked up close in my lens.  

Shortly after, I was putting baby girl down for her nap, I couldn't even think about going to sleep myself. Instead, I sat there rocking baby girl and gave thanks to God for placing a little sunshine in my rainy day, sour mood and grumpiness today.  Okay, so its not really raining here today, in my world it was raining today. I was pouting and acting as a child.  Then God sent me a simple little dragonfly, something he knew I would enjoy and that would make me smile and ease my frustrations, as HIS child. 
(I take that back, just as I thought I would get Morgan and go to the park, its starts to down pour!! So it is actually raining on my day here!) LOL!

It's the little things in life like that, that God wants us to stop and enjoy.  Seeing me smile, I know brought Him joy.  Something He created, a little smiling dragonfly, possibly just for ME, because He knew how much I would appreciate and enjoy that little dragonfly face. 

That's my daddy, my heavenly father.  He knows me best! 

And to top it off.... after rethinking things through about this loss of a booking down in the Keys.  It was indeed no ones loss.  They got their model with the "long" hair, and I get to go use my spa certificate and get an hour long Swedish massage tonight.  Whoot! Whoot! 

Now, take a look at these pictures.  They are not the same photo cropped and zoomed.  This little guy let me take several pictures of it's beautiful smiling face.  Let it bring a smile to your face also.  Enjoy.  

(Click on images to zoom in)

(Do you see it smiling at you too?)
PS:  Who knows, that dragonfly's entire purpose may have just been for me today.  Ever think about that? Maybe it wasn't, but maybe it was? Thank you little dragonfly for bringing a joy and a smile to my face today.  

17 Personal Thoughts:

jwhitacre said...

OH how I love your posts...they always make me smile-b/c I can relate to soo much of it... I totally see the dragonfly smiling! I actually never really studied a dragonfly but they are quite crazy looking!

sorry about Morgan being out of youngest (a little younger than Morgan) has had her nights where it feels nothing would soothe her...and I remember getting so irritated (I knew I shouldn't) but I knew that I would have to get up in a couple hours, get three little ones ready and then go to a job (which I love) but it is so emotionally draining (school psychologist) is at these times that I pray to God to give me some comfort and I also begin to thank God for all he has given me...b/c I know I am so blessed and I should NOT be so miserable...but I know it's tough!

Again, thanks for such an honest post! Wow I should wrap this up now-this is really long...sorry!


Tony C said...

Great pictures...I did see him smiling.

I have a 19 month old, so I understand your pain. Sleep is often a luxury for parents with young ones...but what a blessing they are.

Keep smiling. It lets other people know how you feel about God's love!

Kasey said...

Girl it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to be grumpy and even mean at times. Your not the only one that would be upset if you lost a booking job. but always remember, God will NEVER give you more than you can handle. Sure you feel like you are about to pull out your "short" hair b/c butterfly wont sleep. but God knows you can do it, and he's sitting right beside you as you try to get butterfly back to sleep. so don't fret, it will all get better soon! have a WONDERFUL massage tonight, you deserve it!

Kasey said...

Girl it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to be grumpy and even mean at times. Your not the only one that would be upset if you lost a booking job. but always remember, God will NEVER give you more than you can handle. Sure you feel like you are about to pull out your "short" hair b/c butterfly wont sleep. but God knows you can do it, and he's sitting right beside you as you try to get butterfly back to sleep. so don't fret, it will all get better soon! have a WONDERFUL massage tonight, you deserve it!

Tiffany said...

he is TOTALLY smiling at you!


misty rice first off you are beautiful inside and out and Ido not want to read that you are banging your head againt a table and all sour for one second.

It is there loss, God loves you I love my friend and your family loves you no matter what . clients can be as picky as they wish , God looks upon that blieve me , beggers can't be chossers. you don't worry about this , its the smile it the heart , it's the person in that skin of yours that shines not the Dum hair, yes Dum , I cut mine , I colored it shades lighter, yes I don;t have a modleing contrat at all , but m,an look what you do have , a family , A GOD that loves you . you are better off cause from teh monet they canceled on you , thoses are people you do not need to work with . they choose and so do you and don't chose less ever .

you are clever , you have a great job being a loving wife, daughter to the grestest father and you have family that loves you so .

so what it's hair, and you like the cut you are sexy withthe cut and you know what you only you need to feel sexy in your own skin.

head on over to teh stip club at cbg ( it's a church series ) to any one reading this , stip away the clone, the image people want and be yourself.

trust me , they will be other companys and agents and clients that will want that role.

hair is hair and it will grow and sham on them to do that to anyome.

God gives and takes and don't worry you will get another job real fast .

you are special you are inportant , to teh hosptial, you have a gift withthe kids, your loved one's your friends , you have all anyone wnats so what are yopu going to pout about it or look in the shadow and say , Thank you God I LOVE WHO i AM NOWM, WHAT i have become and what I have lined up lately . I PRAISE YOU AND THANK YOU .


I'M RE DOING MY WEB SITE AND i need a Model with get this SHORT HAIR , for my site , will you and morgan help me out . r u willing to help out little old me .out . I need a beautiful girl , ahem you fit what I'm looking for and I . ahem again you fit the role. I am looking for short hair. I'm on a budget so I can't offer a three night stay, or fancy food, settle for moe's the way you like it and ice tea and friendship for a life time .

In my class I was learning about shooting and close up and designs for web site what clients are looking for . I need some poses and mommy love , and baby and you and morgan would fit the part , i'll edit and show you before launching .

what do you think ? are you free next week before I leave for G.a .

you are what I'm looking for , i don't care about the out side it's the heart that pours out and shines through .

stay possitive and look ahead . these are better fish in the sea.

I got a bad vibe any way .....

hugs you much e-mail me back or write on my page . I wnat to hear from you girl .

if you need anything call.I'm 4 min away...............




Aspiemom said...

Oh, I see that dragonflies smiling face! I'm so glad God sent it to cheer you on and remind you about the little things. don't you wonder how many little things God sends us each day that we completely overlook?

I can understand the being tired. I deal with insomnia all of the time. But when Ryan was little he had night terrors for YEARS. About 3 times a night I'd wake to his screaming and would have to try to calm him and keep him safe w/o waking him up. I was so glad when he outgrew them.

Enjoy your spa trip tonight and hope Morgan lets you get some sleep soon!

MamaVigil said...

I am praying for your little one - My little one (19 months) is having night terrors too - It is such a helpless feeling - Praying for your heart and her sleep.

Courtney and the Boys said...

I'm so glad God sent that little dragonfly your way today. Great pics. Me like, too. :) Praying for Morgan (and you!)!

Misty said...

Poor little Morgan! It is totally their look GREAT with short hair!!! Nice photos! Hope you have a better day tomorrow! *Hugs*

Jennifer said...

You totally knew the up side and the down side of getting your hair cut short, girlfriend. You win some, you lose some!

It sounds like Morgan has you trained pretty well with settling her down and putting he back to sleep. I'd say at 14 months, you need to give her a little "touch love"...let her cry it out a little....and turn the monitor OFF! She's too old to be getting YOU up multiple times a night.

I promise you won't regret it...
Hugs, Jen

PS - Wonderful pictures of the dragonfly!

Jennifer said...

(sorry for the's late and I've had two glasses of wine!)

Following Him said...

Seriously...turned down for short hair? What the x? You are beautiful inside and out.

Hope Butterfly feels better soon and gets some MUCH NEEDED sleep! Have you tried popsicles? Just curious :)

daniella said...

Reading that was like butter to my soul. I had one of the roughest days EVER yesterday (I'll tell you more later) but now that I look back on those awful hours I see how God sent me a few "dragonflies" to let me know that they were just for me.

Sorry to hear you lost the booking and sorry about Butterfly. It's so hard to believe this, but it will all pass before you know it. They are growing pains and a stage that's inevitable. Hugs and love to you, hun!!!!!!

Kristine said...

I feel for you girl!! Katie is also the world's lightest sleeper. After spending 6 weeks in the hospital with alarms and bells constantly going off, I thought she'd sleep through anything. Not the case. I have white noise machines everywhere too and we have to tiptoe when she's down. The worst is that I can hardly do anything when she's asleep...too noisy. Boo!

Hope you're having a better Friday. :)

Mom to the 3rd Power said...

Love the dragonfly pic!
Take care of you.
When you are not well, no one is well.

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