I haven't wanted to post lately because in truth, I am just tired. If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you know what I am referring to. Those of you that do not, let me explain.
My 14 month old Butterfly, is either having nightmares, growing pains or teething in her big daddy teeth. She has been waking up
many (MANY) times during the night screaming, since last Friday. She had a little bit of a runny nose so I gave her Tylenol and that helped for a couple of nights, but that's it.
Last night, was the hardest night yet. I was up, and up, and up, so many times. I just wanted to scream and cry. I am one that doesn't do well without sleep and or with many interrupted periods in my sleep. I need my sleep.
I was so tired last night, that after rocking and rocking and rocking Butterfly, I fell asleep in the rocking chair with her in my arms. She on the other hand was fighting so hard to not shut her eyes that with any little sound, move, clearing of the throat or swallow, she heard it. She would open her eyes to let you know "don't even think about it, mommy" kind of look. If she were in pain, you would think she would still fuss while I held her, but she doesn't. She just lays there wanting to be held. I even broke the night feeding rule and gave her another bottle last night. It didn't do the trick either.
Finally around almost 4:00 AM, I get her down and I slept out on the couch. Once I heard hubby up getting ready for work, I stumbled off to my bed to crash. But of course, she hears anything and everything. She is such a light sleeper.... because we have the 'white noise' machine in every room, and this girl still hears everything. She hears daddy moving around and then I hear that awful sound, like the worst alarm clock on the planet, a screaming Butterfly on the baby monitor. I cringe, I roll over, I turn the volume down wear I can barely hear her. Hoping and praying she would just lay back down and go to sleep.
We are up, I am exhausted and VERY irritable at this point. This is when you do not want to ask me something or try to talk to me. I am mean. A big cranky bear. The demon in me comes to surface. I can't control her.
Then to top that off, I get a call from my agent before the office even opens, that a client that I have worked with in the past, and recently ran into at a jazz lounge a few weeks ago, wants to book me for a job down in the keys tomorrow. Not only are they going to pay a modeling fee, they offered me and my family a couple nights stay at The Cheeca Lodge & Spa. I have been there before and I love it there. They are renovating the place, and said we could come and stay once it opened back up. I quickly told my agent "sold" without taking a moment to think it through. Anytime we can get a free room and board like that, I am game.
I then start calling and scrambling around to search for a young teen that was out for the summer that could travel down to the keys with me to help watch Morgan during my shoot time. I find one. I was told that I would have to drive up tonight for tomorrows shoot. I of course am on it, tired and all. Totally talking to myself, "okay so get Morgan down at this time for a nap, Ill sleep during that time also, Ill need to pack this and this and that. Try to get on the road by this hour and be down there by that hour." etc.
As I am doing all of this, I am waiting to hear from my agent for the details. Finally, 11:00 AM rolls around and I get the "text." Yes, my agent and I text. She tells me that the client didn't want short hair, and has changed her mind now and is booking another girl. WHAT???
My hair was only maybe three (3) inches, AT MOST, longer when she ran into me a couple weeks ago. It was the first layer cut I had just gotten and posted on my blog. If she wanted long hair to begin with, what was she thinking to want to book me in the first place? My hair wasn't long when I saw her a few weeks ago. Needless to say, the client thinks my hair is MUCH shorter than she "recalled" and wants someone with longer hair for the job.
Um, yea. I am totally ticked. Makes me want to march out and go by those clip on extensions I recently mentioned there other day on here, so I can pop them in and say "here you go, LONG HAIR!!!" Magic!!
A sour mood is exactly what I have been put in by the lack of sleep, a lost booking and a free stay at this beautiful place with my family.
And didn't I mention all of this to you when I asked for your votes on the short hair? My agent warned me. Clients for whatever reason like Misty Rice with the longer hair. Why? Because I am stereotyped as the "sexy blond girl". There aren't many blonds out here, so I work well when it comes to booking the blond jobs. But there are a couple of blonds that rock short hair and seem to work just fine. But then again, its because that is "their" role, the short hair blond. I am known as Misty Rice, the LONG hair blond. Sigh.
Whatever, it's part of the business, and I say their loss...but inside I am banging my head on the table saying "who am I kidding, its totally MY loss here." I lost x-amount of dollars that my family could use, and I lost a free weekend stay with my family in the Keys at a really hot location. Its my loss, all over HAIR!
Baby girl in the mix of it all is screaming and fussing the whole time, so I simply pick her up and say to her "we need a breather girl" lets go outside. I take her out and let her crawl and walk around in the back yard. She loves being outside and loves looking at the decoy geese in the lake, while points and says "duck". Too cute. Oh and she is starting to say things with two syllables now, like 'mommy' and 'baby'. I love it.
As she is crawling around and pointing at the birds. I sit on the chase and try to feel the warmth of the weather. When all of the sudden I see a beautiful dragonfly. I love dragonflies. They are such unique and beautiful insects.
The little guy is sitting perched up on a branch and I swear (although, I shouldn't) it was looking right at me, tilting its head and appeared to be smiling. I spoke to it for a few seconds and asked if I could grab my camera and take it's picture. As I get up and walk slowly away to not scare it, I go and grab my camera. I thought for sure I would come back and it would be gone, but it was still sitting there.
I start taking its picture, but I didn't have my telephoto lens on, just my 55mm, so I really had to get up close. I slowly get closer and closer, and I am telling you, this dragonfly was looking right at me. It was tilting it's head and just totally content with me taking its picture, with this huge black camera right up its in face. It was awesome.
I suddenly found myself relaxed, smiling and over the fact that I only got 3 hours of sleep and lost a booking at the moment. I was so intrigued by the dragonfly and excited with the pictures I got, and how cool it looked up close in my lens.
Shortly after, I was putting baby girl down for her nap, I couldn't even think about going to sleep myself. Instead, I sat there rocking baby girl and gave thanks to God for placing a little sunshine in my rainy day, sour mood and grumpiness today. Okay, so its not really raining here today, in my world it was raining today. I was pouting and acting as a child. Then God sent me a simple little dragonfly, something he knew I would enjoy and that would make me smile and ease my frustrations, as HIS child.
(I take that back, just as I thought I would get Morgan and go to the park, its starts to down pour!! So it is actually raining on my day here!) LOL!
It's the little things in life like that, that God wants us to stop and enjoy. Seeing me smile, I know brought Him joy. Something He created, a little smiling dragonfly, possibly just for ME, because He knew how much I would appreciate and enjoy that little dragonfly face.
That's my daddy, my heavenly father. He knows me best!
And to top it off.... after rethinking things through about this loss of a booking down in the Keys. It was indeed no ones loss. They got their model with the "long" hair, and I get to go use my spa certificate and get an hour long Swedish massage tonight. Whoot! Whoot!
Now, take a look at these pictures. They are not the same photo cropped and zoomed. This little guy let me take several pictures of it's beautiful smiling face. Let it bring a smile to your face also. Enjoy.
(Click on images to zoom in)
(Do you see it smiling at you too?)PS: Who knows, that dragonfly's entire purpose may have just been for me today. Ever think about that? Maybe it wasn't, but maybe it was? Thank you little dragonfly for bringing a joy and a smile to my face today.